Mama I’m sorry

Laying in the warmth of the swirling water,
My body sucumming to the calm,
Slowly dragging on my cigeratte,
Pills not working fast enough,
Pick up the knife,
Press it against my skin,
Darkness
Nothing
I’m gone
So I thought
Hours pass
Then I wake
shivering in now icing water
Stumbling, failing, crying
Bed, lay down, dying
Banging, so loud loud
Bub wake up, please bub
Begging banging
Mama I’m coming
Mama save me
Mama I’m scared
Mama I love you
Mama I’m sorry
Bub mummy’s here
Baby girl stay awake for mummy
Baby helps coming
Baby please I’m here
Baby girl I love you

Ill never forget mummy. I’m sorry for everything, I’m stronger now, mummy I want to live now. Mummy I’ve seen the light. Mummy it’s going to be ok now. I have hope

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Who would’ve guessed

Who would’ve guessed catching bus could cause so much anxiety, boarding on a anxiety attack. But this time I realised it. Major break through for my recovery. I’m beating it! I’m strong! mr anxiety I win! Did you here that I won this battle and I WILL win this war. You tried and lost, yip I felt the tightness in my body, my face was tense, hands starting to tremble, my breathe quickened, my heart rate went through the roof. But I fought you and succeeded.

Me – 1
Mr anxiety – 0

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Up close

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Day 83 of 365

Day 83 – it’s Good Friday, happy Easter everyone. Looking forward to my kiddies seeing there Easter treats I’ve made them

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Words have failed

Words have failed to express what I want
Actions have failed to show what I need
Love has failed me and given me a broken heart
My mind has been proven right that what I fear happens

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One word

What’s one word someone said to you that you’ll never forget.

I remember when someone told me I was “graceful”. This was when I was 19 so many moons ago. I’m not sure why but it stuck with me over the years

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One of my favourites

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