When I’m sick it means that I’m physically sick. Not that I’m down or depressed. It doesn’t mean my mental health. I’ve been really sick this week. No one seems to believe me. My skin felt like ti was on fire, vomiting, headaches, achy, blocked up. How is that from mental health. Lack of trust 15 months on, intensive therapy, huge shift in the way I live my life. But I get sick and it’s shit, we better ring support workers and therapist. Kelz has lost the plot again. When are people going to believe me? Ps being physically sick freaking sucks. Especially with no pain relief, two kids and zero support. Off to have a pity party.
A while ago I was asked by a fellow blogger about parenting and bpd (boarderline personality disorder) and how it affects my parenting and children. Most of my mental illness is minimised for them. They don’t know about my attempts or self harm. They know mummy was very sick and sad and was in hospital a few times. They know I’ve been in therapy and group. I’ve discussed the ins and outs. Why I did it, basically what it involves. I’ve been honest now when mummy is sad. It’s ok mummy is allow to cry or get angry sometimes. But mummies skills will make it better. They have both seen how low I was, and now how stable I am. I’ve had to gain their trust again. They were both scared they would have to move out again. It’s ongoing with their trust. It can take something simple as me crying to bring it back to them. But they are proud of how much I’ve achieved. They know mummy sets routines and guidelines and follow through with more fair punishments. If I’m having bad day. I’ll tell them mummy is grumpy lets cut each other some slack. They are more helpful with there jobs in the home. It’s also meant that they open up to me fully. They believe me when I say mummy understands. Over all having bpd does effect my parenting. But in a good way. It makes me more aware of how my/adults issues affect them. It’s give me power to teach them about kindness and empthany. How to be less judgemental. How to understand that even though life can be extremely hard. If you work hard enough you can make anything happen. Also that despite having a mental illness, that’s only part of a person. Labels are just that labels. Real men cry. And most important. How to be proud of ones achievements no matter how big or small.
Day 150 – I’ve been writing a lot lately and have a lot to share with you all. I’m trying new styles of writing I hope you enjoy it :)
Borderline personality disorder in children. As a person with boarderline I have educated myself on the matter. I like to be informed. But like any mental health issues, I worry for my children. I hope they wont suffer like I have. I have at great length discussed this with my therapist and group therapy people. My daughter at 5 years old is display early signs of bpd and ocd. My son is showing signs of isolation, anxiety and depression. My son has had counselling in the past after there were major concerns of clinical depression. He has learnt skills, and I’ve learnt his signs. I’m proud to say he has a major improvement. Either way weather they suffer or not. I’m proud I’ve educated myself to know warning signs and triggers. To seek early intervention. I’m also able to now teach my darlings the skills I’ve learnt and used to help them become, better adjusted, well informed teens and adults. Those who suffer from mental illness. Do you worry for your children? Or just hope for the best? Do you teach your children skills for anger, sadness and other emotions. Or do you teach them to harden up? I’m looking for others experiences. Not to pass any kind of judgement. As I know this is such a sensitive matter.
Day 149 – looking back Facebook was such a trigger for me. But I’ve taken back my control and am enjoying the site again. I’m very picky to whom I add. Block is my best friend. I’m also limiting my time.
Day 148 – I’ve finally after two months if hand washing been able to save enough for a washing machine yay for me :)