Letting go

I’ve written about him often, the love the pain. Trying to accept the demise of three and a half years. Knowing he gave me the biggest highs and the lowest of lows. Trying to hold on yet knowing I must let go. Coming to realise I just can’t fix what has broken. Knowing one person can’t fix the partnership. It takes two. Knowing I’m on the train to heal and knowing he is still at the station. Telling him we all deserve better. We deserve respect. When time is all that we want. We don’t deserve the walls so high. I am worth the best. I am worth having it all. I deserve to live a life not on egg shells. Not in limbo waiting for you. I deserve happiness and support. I hope on day you realise I didn’t end it because I wanted to. I ended it because you backed me into a corner giving me no option but to stand tall. I didn’t end it because I didn’t love you. I ended it because I love you. I end it to free you from us. I ended to let grow and learn. I look back with no regret. I look back treasuring the good times and accepting the bad. As you lay in only my memories. People will ask do you know …….. I will smile and say I use to. I will see you. Smiling knowing I tried, knowing I will never forget not regret.

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15 thoughts on “Letting go

  1. This hit home. You are worth the utmost happiness and true love. Know that it really is out there for you, and when it’s time you will find a smile that is radiant and true. No walking on eggshells, no terrible pain. Letting go because you love some one is so hard. I’m in the process myself.. Just know, as I’ve been told, that at the right moment new love will find you. ^_^ when you least expect it no less!

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  2. Pingback: Letting go | SincerelyJeuneBelle

  3. Sometimes letting go is best for both of you. Be strong and stick to it. Going back will just be more of the same.. You did your best and that’s all anyone can ask for..One day he will see that you were right..

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  4. Apologies. It took awhile to reply as I am still setting everything up! One hundred days phenomenal! Good for you! I don’t even have to know you to see your battle. I know many people who self harm by cutting. I am cheering you on. Thank you for checking out my post. I am aiming for posting 3 times a week. I will be posting a variety of mental health issues, my own battles, how I deal with them, and information that I have gathered over a long time.

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  5. I know the sound and the feel of eggshells under my feet.
    I’m fortunate to have been able to have walked lightly enough not to crush them, steadily enough not to have veered off the path, slowly enough to still be walking when they were no longer covering that path in front of us as far as the eye could see.
    Occasionally I might have to weave my way around or between some, but there’s more than enough room for solid footing.

    Your post tells me you understand it wasn’t him you had to put in your past.

    From one “walker” to another, may I say it’s a touching and strong and hopeful moment you have shared with us. And it is appreciated.

    Take a peek over at my blog every now and then. I’ve just recently started it, have already started to touch on some of my own illness and will soon be sharing some thoughts and feelings about having to live through those of my wife’s without making it her story but mine.
    Not my place to tell hers.

    http://nocturnaladmissions.net/the-cuckoos-nest/

    Now I’ve got to start looking at your photography. I’m one of those folks who still relies on my Nikon F2 when I need to be serious about it.

    Best wishes.

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  6. Beautifully written! This line triggered a past for me, one that took me years to overcome. ’’Trying to hold on yet knowing I must let go. Coming to realise I just can’t fix what has broken.’’ I remember that feeling..and letting go seemed so far fetched at the time. But time heals all wounds. Though probably a different situation, you and I, you did your best.

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