Day 125 of 365

Day 125 – my positive today was seeing my mum. We were extremely close until about four months ago when thing became strained. She showed up today to suprise my kids. We had the best visit, I really have missed her x

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Dear god don’t let me become a crazy cat lady !!!!

Over the past few months I’ve really thought about what I’d like in a future relationship. My therapist asked me to think about my values, wants and needs. After reading this to myself I’ve just realised I’m going to be single forever. Dear god don’t let me become a crazy cat lady !!!!

What I want in a partnership

-honesty (truth may hurt but not as much as lies)
-no drugs
-like kids (but no over bearing don’t need a dad for them but a strong male role model)
-criminal past must no include violence against women and nothing against children (past can be someone’s past but never things mentioned)
-intelligent, funny, passionate
-must be working or studying (don’t want a deadbeat partner)
-understanding of mental health
– must have kids or not want them as I won’t have more
– adventure but enjoy the simple things in life including staying at home
– material stuff and money not big deals. Time and momeries mean more to me.
– has to have goals for life, something to look ahead to.
– like the outdoors and nature
– age and looks don’t matter, but I’ve got to be attracted. Someone who looks after themselves.
-prefer someone who doesn’t drink alot (not interested in someone who wants to get drunk all the time.)
– a romantic who likes to surprise (big gestures don’t impress me, small signs of love and appreciation does, notes etc)
– someone who loves themselves and has confidence without a gaint ego.

The Warrior – Guest blogger

I’ve never had a guest blogger before, and I’ve asked two friends to write a post for me to share with you all. As agreed I won’t use her name. But I’m super proud of my best friend. She is so inspiring and creative.

The Warrior

I am a paradox,

No one can hurt me like I can hurt myself,

I am my own worst enemy,

My bedroom becomes my abyss.

Their labels become my scars,

Their opinions become my own,

And yet, none can tear me down like I can.

I am still a paradox,

No one can save me like I can save myself,

I am my own best friend,

My bedroom becomes my sanctuary;

Their labels become my empathy,

Their opinions become my strength,

And yet, none can build me up like I can.

What does loneliness mean and feel to me?

What does loneliness mean and feel to me? It’s hard to describe. I feel two types of loneliness. One being when I’m with people and feel lonely and the other when I’m alone and lonely.

I feel a longing for adult company weather it be with a friend chatting over coffee. Or with a lover snuggling up quietly talking. There are many a times where my only conversation in a week is with my children. Boy do I love them. But it’s a longing for another kind of human contact.

Loneliness comes mainly in the evenings where all is quiet, and I’m left to my own thoughts. Lately it’s the lost of some friends, my ex partner. Thinking of one good friend but trying to find the balance so I’m not over stepping into her husband or family time. Or the biggest thing the crush I have on the sailor. Imaging being with him, hanging out just being together.

So loneliness is a mix between the past and fear of future relationships. An empty pit in my stomach of longing and sadness

One of my hobbies – cake decorating

Introducing one of my hobbies – cake decorating. I’m still very much a beginner in the decorating world. But I love it. I’m self taught. And just adore people’s reactions when they see what I have created for them. This one I made a month ago for an amazing little man who turned three. Butter cream icing with fondant decorations. Tasting blue vanilla cake. (Not the best photo)

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Striving for routine

Hi bloggers world,

As per the title I’m striving for routine in most areas in my life. I’m an all or nothing kind of women. My routine with my children and my household commitments are spot on. But that’s where it ends. My personal life is up and down like a yoyo (thanks bpd).

First on my list is to “write a list” lol.

Time to set some goals, short term (day to day). Medium (for the next year) and long term (things I want to achieve by my 40th, so 10 years).

One of my passions is this blog, so my goal for today is to set some realistic goals for it.

I have alot of pieces I’d love to share. Some current, some old and most will be in random order. I miss being creative. And one thing I know and do well is all things Internet. So time to make the most of my spare time and strengths.

Stay tuned for the new and improved (non lazy) kelzbelzphotography