Day 128 of 365

Day 128 – I don’t know what made me think of it or why. But I’ve just realised that its been about 18 months since I last cut. I’m no longer a cutter/self harmer. I’m a recovering harmer. I don’t remember the last time I felt the urge. I’m feeling so proud. Which reminds me I must take more photos and do an update of my bio oil challenge.

13 thoughts on “Day 128 of 365

  1. well done you! I can relate, i practiced self harm in my teens and for years thought i was past it. I gained skills which allowed me to deal with my depression, the stress in my life etc. that got me through that bad patch. I remove myself from the damaging, toxic environment that was causing these issues.
    Recently though i found myself in a relationship which destroyed all those hard won skills, it destroyed my confidence and peace of mind. I found myself in a hotel room in Rhodes suddenly unable to articulate my thoughts and feelings, brought to the point where all i could do was dig my nails into my arm so hard it drew blood, repeatedly. My head was so messed up i had no other expression for the pain i felt inside, my words didnt affect the person who was causing this pain so i turned it back around on myself. If a blade had been available i would have used it to release the pressure inside but thankfully all i had was my nails.
    I recognised this action as a warning sign, its a symptom of deep seated pain caused by external factors of which i had no control over, i should have walked away but the person who was causing this was a clever manipulator of my thoughts and feelings, they picked their moments.
    Thankfully im free of their influence now and feel absolutely no urge to self harm whatsoever. The self harm is not the problem, its a symptom of a problem, where in my case, my voice was not being heard, my feelings ignored and blame was heaped on me until my perception of reality was being distorted.
    I hope you have found a safe place, surround yourself with supportive and loving people and are able to remove the toxic influences from your life. Your feelings are valid, your thoughts are worth hearing and upholding, anyone who says otherwise does not deserve to continue your journey with you. Youre a warrior and a survivor, stay strong x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I Congratulate You and some others who have shared that they too have successfully overcome the urges to harm themselves. My Deep Sympathies for what You have been through.

    I too have been through very deep ‘lows’. But I never thought of adding physical pain to my mental pain. Had thought many times of ending my life, but could not find real good ways to do it, without failing in it and becoming a paralytic or something.

    Now, like You, have found Happiness. But Happiness lies with the Presence of People, and Communication and Communion, Union with them. I wonder how that can be done without revealing our names. Love and Regards.

    Liked by 1 person

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