Triggered my past

I was watching a local TV drama last night. It felt very familiar in a strange way. Watching a depressed young character. It was like he was saying goodbye then seemed happy. I knew what was coming up. But went into denial. After all its just a TV show. Just actors.

Then the scene happened finding him after a suicide attempt. The acting was brilliant. Very real the actors whom played the family. Looked like they were going through it in real life.

Then it hit me. Like a tone of fucken bricks. (Sorry for swearing but I’m trying to be real). It dawned on me what my mother must have gone through finding me after both my suicide attempts. Heart wrenching.

I picked up the phone in tears telling her how a show had triggered such emotions. I blurted out mummy I’m so sorry for what I did. She was a rock. Calming me so quickly. Talking it through. Agreeing that it needs to be in the face of of the public to trigger raw emotions in the community to take firm action.

Please if you need to reach out to someone to anyone. I’m living proof that you can survive and lead a happy. Yes I said a happy life. My heart goes to everyone touched by suicide. Please remember even in that deepest darkest hole of despair. You are worth it. You yes YOU deserve to be alive on this earth. If your going through it right now do one thing for me. Imagine that you’ve dug you way out of this hole through hard work and share determination. Think just for a second, you can be happy again.

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30 thoughts on “Triggered my past

  1. Sorry to hear the struggle you have gone through, but am so happy you had the strength to keep moving forward when it comes to your life and everything in it. Love the quote in your picture. I think it is something everyone needs to see. We are never alone in this world.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am so happy that you are still here. My brother did not make it after years of a depression that he covered up so well. He tried to manage it all on his own and did not succeed. We did not realise how much he was suffering until after we put all the pieces together. Maybe if my brother had read a post like this he would have found more help. Thank you for your honesty and I know this could help many. Remember you are an amazing soul who has a message that needs to be heard. Thank you, Kath.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Like you I attempted suicide, at the time I was angry that I couldn’t even do that right. But now I am so happy that I did fail. My family helped me through the aftermath of my marriage breakdown, and now I have this wonderful journey I am undertaking. I will never again attempt to take my life as I now have the tools and love and support of my family and friends to get me through anything.
    I am glad you didn’t succeed in your attempt as the world would be a poorer place
    Andrew

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  4. Reblogged this on The Real Andrew Russell and commented:
    If anybody feels like this please reach out. You may be thinking that life is just not worth it and everything is all to hard, but please believe me, as I have been there myself, that it does get better.
    With the love and support of my family and my friends I turned a page in my life. I now know what ever obstacles are put in front of me, with support, I will overcome them.
    Thank you Kath for sharing your story

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  5. Reblogged this on Finding Lemon and commented:
    I too believe that this post needs to be read by others. Knowing that there’s someone out there who’d been through what you’re going through and survived, that means a lot. I wish this could help people who’s going through depression right now. Sharing the love πŸ™‚

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  6. Wow. That one hits hard, great job. My attempt precluded anyone finding me; sadly I worked that out well. Got lucky, survived 36 hours of which I have no recollection, hidden behind a locked door. I never discount luck; it counts for an awful lot, because I was quite certain I was doing everyone involved a favor by dying, I was in medical school, and knew what I was doing, in the sense that my attempt left me slim odds of survival. Luck! Life is far better than I could have imagined way back then. Isolation is lethal in depression, lethal. So is silence. So are stigma, and secrets, and shame. You did a very good thing with this post. Every added bit of open discussion, of light, helps. It saves lives in fact. Thanks. I’ve reblogged; how could I not?

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  7. Reblogged this on Big Red Carpet Nursing and commented:
    Wow. This one hits hard, tremendous work. My attempt (1992?) precluded anyone finding me; sadly I worked that out well. Got lucky, survived 36 hours of which I have no recollection, hidden behind a locked door. I never discount luck; it counts for an awful lot in life, far more than most people allow themselves to accept. My existence today, my daughter’s existence, both depend on pure blind luck, because I was quite certain I was doing everyone involved a favor by dying, I was in medical school, and knew what I was doing, in the sense that my attempt left me slim odds of survival. Bookish as I was, I had researched the lethal dose of an antidepressant rarely used anymore, as it’s such an effective suicide tool. Luck! Life is far better now than I could have imagined way back then. Isolation is lethal in depression, lethal. So is silence. So are stigma, and secrets, and shame. Every added bit of open discussion, of light, helps us all, epressed or not. It saves lives in fact. Let’s keep adding more and make it better.

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  8. Re-blogged on rapeisafourletterword.wordpress.com
    If I can figure out how to do so.

    Thank you for your photo, you candid approach, and sharing that slice of your life with the world.

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  9. I only ever had thoughts of suicide, I never attempted it.
    What it must have been for you to feel like that. It’s great that you empathised with your mother as it shows awareness. But don’t forget, you are the one who lived through it. Keep that in mind!

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  10. Great read. I have a loved one who struggles with finding himself with thoughts of suicide on occasion, and posts like this are a great source for providing him with hope.

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  11. Beautifully said. I am so happy that you found your way out of that despair and are now living a happy life. I also have been in a situation where I felt I could no longer go on, but I kept on fighting and praying and I too live a happy life. Thank you for being strong and encouraging. God bless you and your family.

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  12. Thanks for liking my post that began: “It never goes away and it has….” Yes, it is there forever and it forms you. But you can still find a light, as you have said, “even in that deepest darkest hole of despair.”

    Like

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