Why is it that for the past six months I thought that I was moving on, over him. I knew I still loved him. But I’d accepted that despite my wants and feelings we were over. Maybe I’d just pushed it aside thinking I’d dealt with it. Then bang one text from him. Bang seeing him once, not even talking to him. Bang once again he’s all I can think about.
I had even started entertaining the thought of one day having a new partner. There have been a few men who had caught my eye. But something held me back.
Now as I lay here in darkness, silence apart from my own breathing. Everything’s coming flooding back the good and not so good. Little things, big things, silly things. Our rings. How we use to say I love you more plus one. How he would interlock his fingers around mine as we fell asleep tucking our hands under the blanket coz he didnt like his hands cold. Him showing me clips on YouTube. Dedicating songs to me. I still can’t listen to them to this day.
I never believed in soul mates until I meet him. Then when we separated I thought about other men and thought well maybe I was wrong. But its all still there. My love for him so present and strong. My heart won’t let go and my mind won’t forget. How do you give up on something you want as your forever.
How can someone hold so much power over my heart and not even know it.