World of the living

Time to return to the world of the living. My therapist once told me something powerful. She said “imagine your at the cemetery you walk in lay the flowers, sit, remember, feel sad. Say goodbye to the sadness and keep living. She said “kelz my girl. You arrived at the grave and darling you never got up. You’ve lived in the sadness for to long. Time to get up. Time to decide. Your allowed to visit. But you must know its ok to place the flowers, walk away and be happy. You can return but you must leave.

I’ve been at that grave for a few weeks now. But I got up I got up and left. I know I’ll return. But I’m stronger then the last time. I’ll manage.

That’s the problem with depression. Man I sneaks up on you just a little at a time. Then slaps you in the face. Yelling na na na na laughing. But the difference now is I yell back I win na na na na.

It makes you aware of your choices. Be sad and do nothing. Or be sad and stand up and fight. I’ve been there where my choice was to stay at the grave because it was just to hard to walk away, get help, be happy. Now I choose for me to win not my depression

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19 thoughts on “World of the living

  1. Good for you…I like how SARK talks about micro movements. Just a small movement can help but you need to decide. The grave image is powerful as is the message to remember that you are just visiting. Thanks

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  2. This is excellent and I especially like what you wrote here: “It makes you aware of your choices. Be sad and do nothing. Or be sad and stand up and fight.”

    This is acceptance. The idea is not so much to numb the pain because in so doing we also
    numb other sensations that are good for us. The idea is to live with the pain and do those things
    that help us to feel worthy and loved. I’ve learned that focusing my attention on a creative project
    does as much to alleviate emotional pain as any anti-depressant.

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  3. Its good to have a pity party once in a while, but don’t dwell in it. Let the tears wash away your pain and leave the puddle as evidence of what you have been through. I used to indulge until i decided it took too much out of me. Now i barely visit for 5 minutes. Keep up the good fight.

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  4. That’s a wise therapist. Believe her. One of the many things I’ve learned in many decades of depressive illness is that it’s ok to go to that dark place, visit that grave, then walk away. If you allow yourself to stay too long, you will never know the joy that is out there waiting for you. It is possible to live a productive, even happy life with BPD. Patience and trust. And a lot of time. Be well.

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  5. I know just what you mean! I’ve been at the grave for nearly a year now. I would probably stay here if I could. But it’s time to return to the land of the living. I’m trying to do just that. Reminding me that I can visit gives me so much comfort. I really appreciate this post and am glad your back up. I’ve missed you from your posts and was beginning to wonder

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