I as most have been reflecting on life. For two years I faced many challenges, I nearly died twice at the hands of my own heartbreaking depression. I faced the lost of my children living in my home, I lost the love of my life and two amazing children. But most importantly I faced months upon months of intensive therapy. I learnt to be happy within myself. By myself. I gained the trust back from my amazing children, I learnt patience, hope and how to dream. I held on For dear life and wow now out the other side I’m super proud of myself. And eternity grateful to the few whom stuck by me. I’ve never been more thankful for life. I’m looking forward now future driven. I know my strengths I acknowledge my weaknesses. Most of all I’m feel blessed
I want to wish everyone a very merry Christmas. Hope you got what you hoped for and your families and friends had a safe merry day. I for one have had the best Christmas with everything I hoped for. It was simple this year very stress free. I was able to spend the time with very few but important people dear to my heart. Laughter, pool, food and massive memories. And the best part I went to sleep Christmas night in the strong arms of the man I love. So much to fill you all in on. Love life amazing things have been happening for me. Look forward to hearing of your holiday experiences. Much love to all x
I grew up observing. Watching people. Attempting to learn. I always knew love wasnt a simple concept. Many layers of love, excitement, happiness, give n take, hope, dreams, pain. Break ups. Make ups. I swore never to fall in love. Never put myself in that hold. Fast fasterward. Not long after I turned 26 I meet him. Instant connection. Never believed in soul mates. I had some of the best times of my life. Back and forward. We separated. I was heart broken. Finally I said no more love isn’t enough. Now he’s been back in my life for three plus months. I want to tell him. Its still their I still am in love with him with every part of me. Surely he must know. Right? Still the chemistry, connection. Talking more openly and honest then ever before. Yet I stumble when I try to tell him. My own fears of complete utter rejection. I don’t know how to do it. How to tell him what i want. Despite 2 years of therapy. I can’t bring myself to say those three words. I want you. I need you. I love you. Never have I felt more emotionally stunted.
Today is different. I’ve woken with a can do attitude. One where I can face the world and everything it throws at me. Lately I’ve faced good and hard times. Epic happiness and to be frank scary lows. I’ve let opinions of those who don’t matter affect me. Someone wise just told me it time to show people your stronger then they think. He was so right I finally stood up for myself and my children. Ive lost people. Yet gain some I never in my wildest dreams couldve hoped for to be back. I’m head over heals in love. This may not be the best thing as he doesn’t know. But I’m in love. My children have the man who’s been there daddy back and I have my boys in my life. Im a bundle of nerves and happiness.
Day 206 – looking on the bright side blue skies, crisp light winds and climbing temperature. The makings for a beautiful day in new zealand