I’ve been reading comments and

I’ve been reading comments and while a lot are supportive of me, a good portion appears to be over my recent posts. This I fully understand. One thing about my blog is to express myself. As I don’t feel I have any other outlets.

Friends and family

Yip my mothers around. I guess she tries but with bipolar and her issues. She has been less then supportive. I have a large family in a small town none of whom have contacted me for 18months nor responded when I’ve reached out. I have one friend, whom I’ve reached out to for weeks and only yesterday finally reslised I’m at breaking. I thought I had other friends but no matter how I try to reach out I don’t get a response. Good or bad.

Relationship.

There’s a man I’m deeply in love with whom loves me. Guess you can call him a trigger. I know people think I should just move on. However I’ve tried for two years and am more in love then ever. He also has the issue of in my opinion self doubt, low self esteem and if not depression I’d be shocked.

Dbt and mental health.

Whilst I know that I’m low. I’ve completed dbt and intensive one on one therapy for approx 18months after my attempts at my life. We learnt a range of skills for which I use everyday. To help ride the rapids, prevent self harm etc. I use it all daily. I rung my old therapist last week who said I’m using the skills and doing well. After 6 weeks of school holidays with one break.

So while it may appear that I’m not trying to help myself I am doing the opposite. I make sure I’m taking my children for walks everyday to parks n beach etc. I’m writing daily. I’m gardening and tending to my children, home, cooking. I’m using my tip skills for anxiety, taking my one pill a day, self soothing, medataion, music etc. Have the crisis teams number should I need it, I’ve not selfharmed even though the urge has been there.

this for me is a life long challenge, where I mostly do well. Other times not.

I’m trying

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53 thoughts on “I’ve been reading comments and

  1. Wow, no family or friends around to help you.. That’s hard.. Is there any explanation for them not staying in touch?

    Your life sounds really hard, but luckily you have some skills to cope. Cause cope that is what it seems like, not living life, but coping live.

    Have you ever heard of Schema Therapy? It is one of the forms of therapy that has been helping people with personal disorders like border-line and such: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schema_Therapy

    Take care, and hold on!

    Warm greetings,
    Tieme

    Like

  2. The one thing that sticks-out in your commentary is that you love this man. I don’t know why, when I read that, it shone a light. There has to be a true understanding there. That’s good.

    Liked by 1 person

      • He may be more like you than you think. Maybe a perceptual phenomenon links you both. It’s rare, pretty much, to hold on like that. Are you together?

        Liked by 1 person

      • Your right. We are very alike with alot from our talks. We basically want to protect each other. I believe he thinks everything he does needs to be a certain way to make me happy. This isnt the case i love that hes not perfect. We want to be. our own barriers and lack of self esteem coupled with self doubt from both of us is preventing it

        Liked by 1 person

      • Interesting, huhm. If you don’t mind me feeling the situation up a bit, yeah? Spirit/ body conflict for sure. How did you guys meet? I ‘m being a bit direct. Your situation inspires me.

        Liked by 1 person

      • don’t mind sharing its long tho lll We meet at a op shop over 4 years ago. A few days later we found each other online. We had an instant connection. Within a month we were living together with our four children, both stay home parents life was great. We had our share of issues but so happy. Fastward after two years my depression came back and due to small issues and stubbornness we separated. I had two attempts at my life, we were on and off, I tried to get well. He tried to move on. He had 2 new relationships. I gave up. About four months ago he got back in contact. We picked up again. I tone a back seat with my feelings. After many discussion he told me he made mistakes that he has to fix ( I know mist of it and huge issues that can’t be fixed overnight). He told me he realised he kept coming back because he’s in love with me and always has been. Then a few weeks ago his self doubt came back in and he said needs time etc. Wants to continue how we have been but for our future he needs to change something’s. We are still in contact still seeing each other. And yip I very much know how it sounds. But my love for him and his for me is stopping me cutting him off. As you’d be aware a lot more to the story lol

        Liked by 1 person

      • Haha! The unending love scenario and the contradiction of Freedom feeding love. It takes a lot doesn’t it. A lot of detachment to be reasonable. Some time too.It’s so hard when a car crash happens metaphorically speaking. Maybe some minor niggles in people with dragging consciences and a bit self-involved can stop the hug from happening. I wish for you that you can re-connect and apply some TLC to those cuts. Lucky you in a way; you don’t seem to be in a trapped relationship. Beautiful, if you look at it sideways. Give each other space to be, don’t be having expectations. Things and people change. I wish you loads of luck with it. Your combined love could probably pick up the outlying issues now, I think. Hugs ((@))

        Liked by 1 person

      • Don’t worry too much. He may want it as much as you, and you’re both like fledgling penguins trying to dive into the water. It’ll happen (tap my chest twice with my fist)

        Liked by 1 person

  3. What you write sounds like a plan – a very good plan. And you made it to stay on track. That is wonderful and the most important part to find a stability in life. Just keep it up and as one blogger wrote: one step at a time. It is all fine as long as you just keep it up. Julie wrote something important in my opinion: The love to a man. As long as you feel love there is power within you and hope. As long you feel love for someone else (also for your children) there is love for yourself as well.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. A lot of us deal with many similar things. Remember your not alone. A lot of times depression has a way of isolating. Keep on posting and keep on chugging along. A lot of times many things need to be dealt with alone in life but your never truly alone. šŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  5. One piece of advice that I got from a Spartan Life Coach video on YouTube: Learn to live independent of the good or bad opinions of others. It allowed me to detach from an extremely toxic family. I recommend watching his videos on YouTube. It sounds like you have come very far, but it is time to put some armor on so that you are ready when the next wave of whatever hits that knocks you to your knees. Your story is very inspiring, thank you for sharing it.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Hi, i can relate to you on some levels. The fact that your trying is great. As a mom, it helps keep you grounded…well for me it usually does. Hang in there. If you ever need to talk to some one, im here.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Did you say a walk every day? I am jealous. I want to do the same with my kids. Kids will keep you busy enough, for sure. I hope you find daily joys, and find that your life has improved after the recent changes. I am so glad you are in touch with professionals that can keep you on track.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. You are not trying, you are succeeding. And every day you post, and every day you’re alive, means you’re winning this battle. I have very dear friends in my own life who’ve suffered from this, and I confess, I didn’t always understand at first. My own mother struggled with depression for years before she finally sought help. I haven’t personally walked the road, but I’ve walked with others who do, and the shadowy parts are tangibly real. Keep up the good fight!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Sometimes expecting a support itself will make us weak. Be self motivated person. You are a strong girl. Love yourself and yes we are all there here . keep sharing . I appreciate all that you are doing to keep u going . happy for you

    Liked by 1 person

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