Men I need your expert words of wisdom

I’m trying to distract myself and keep coming up with random things that I want to know. Call it boredom, problem solving, curiosity. This ones for the men.

You are simple yet complicated. Help a girl out aye. Do you Darling men want to chase or not? When you text do you like a text straight back or a lady to wait awhile. Do you like a strong independent women or a strong drop n run kinda girl. Is a women texting first a turn off or a good thing.

My circumstances are long term relationship and wanting to reconcile. So not a new thing. Believe me I tried it all and feel like I’m getting it mmm not so right. And right now I’m thinking I’m trying to hard.

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56 thoughts on “Men I need your expert words of wisdom

  1. This is just my perspective, other guys may see it differently but for me if I have to chase someone I take it as a sign that they’re not really interested. If you like someone you like them, to hell with mind games and all that nonsense. Prompt replies are always good, I always respond to people ASAP and I like it when I get a response right away or when she initiates contact first. It makes one feel giddy and slightly special. πŸ˜›

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  2. I am not a man but I do have a lot of experience as a counsellor for ex-convicts, i.e. I know male predominant atmospheres since I spent 4 years as a Prison Counsellor. You are overthinking. Men think of things in lines. So you texting or not is just line less completed/ line more completed. It really does not matter. If you are the One for him, you can answer straight back, or leave it 4 years, and the guy will be at the same distance on his line.

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  3. I’d respectfully suggest that you are asking the wrong question.

    Do you want to be prey?

    At the end of the day, if he is interested in the chase and you want to be caught, the chase is what you build in common; what do you have together when he actually catches you? Is it then your responsibility to find some other mystery to keep him interested? It’s strange game when the worst outcome is that you win.

    So, don’t overthink what you “should” do. If you want to respond to a text, respond to a text. If you want to wait, wait. If that works, great. If it does not, at least you won’t be trapped playing a part.

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  4. I’m a huge introvert, but also a guy, so although there is a thrill element to the whole chase thing, I also like to be pried into. It makes me incredibly happy when a woman texts me without me having to start the conversation. I think it’s just good practice to care about what’s going on in each others’ minds.

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  5. 1- It totally differs from one person to another
    2- If someone loves/admires for being someone other than yourself, then they don’t really like “you”, do they?

    After writing this, I just realized that I’m basically reiterating Bob’s comment using different words πŸ™‚

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  6. Allow me to only slightly paraphrase a portion from the opening lines of the Colonies’ Declaration of Independence as written by Thomas Jefferson at the request of our Second Continental Congress in 1776. My particular take on it all is in all capital letters:
    “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the HAPPINESS OF PURSUIT.”
    That’s just me, my preferences from forty years ago before I didn’t have to look any farther.
    In certain respects I’m still like that in other ways.
    I would much prefer to sit in a nice, quiet, candlelit booth in the corner of a cozy, rustic restaurant waiting for my steak to be perfectly charbroiled to my sense of perfection by a Master Chef than to walk up to the counter and have someone in a paper hat hand me the same damned burger they just handed out to the previous dozen or so simple men who were there before me.
    The wait and the investment are worth it.
    I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy a few of those burgers in my time (not as many as some would claim to have devoured), but they could never have satisfied my appetite for any sustained period of time.
    And in a non-culinary sense, I have never had the urge for another burger.

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  7. Situations are very subjective. I being a guy if I have misunderstanding with my girl I would text back first and never let ego creep in . vehicle called life runs on two wheels together .. I would be first to try to reconsile no matter whose mistake is it. Depends on other person also. If on trying a lot and if he doesn’t respect back its time take tough decisions.
    Cheers and love
    Supreet

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I am confused as to whether you are asking what men like or what to do in your particular situation. I suspect it is the latter veiled in the former. The two answers you seek are not necessarily compatible.

    To answer your first question, I think that initiative and independence are awesome traits. Personally, as a busy guy, I wouldn’t have time to screw around with “the chase” or have the mental energy to waste on debating whether this girl is interested or not.

    I haven’t read all of your posts, so perhaps I don’t know whats going on. Reconciliation suggests that a relationship is over. At that point, I don’t see how you can market yourself in any way, whether it be independent or needy. This question and the answer only applies to relationships with forward potential. Now, if there is hope for rekindling this relationship then I see where your question is coming from.

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  9. I think that although a bit of a chase can be exciting and fun, there has to come a point when you just lay your cards on the table… I chased a girl for a long time, but it was only when I decided that it was time to just say how I felt that we ended up falling for each other. Now I’ll never have to chase again.

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  10. We men are complex creatures, and we’ll admit that we can be a bit of trouble sometimes, especially when it comes to communicating what we really want.
    Almost every woman is guilty of it: trying to impress men so that they will date you, sleep with you, stay with you, etc…

    This self-emasculation only gives life to the idea that a woman must prove herself worthy to the man she dates. Forget about whether he’s a good man or a top bloke. Impressing men is about who you are and not what you can do for them.

    The point is we are clueless and pretend we know exactly what we want but what really makes us tick is a surprise, an interesting conversation, great humor and dont be a stalker calling every 30mins asking how we are doing and what we ate for lunch..lol πŸ™‚

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  11. As I’m sure you’re finding out, men are different.

    I don’t like games. “Chasing” isn’t my favorite thing.

    If I text someone, I would rather have them text me as soon as they can. I don’t always need that response, sometimes I just want to say “I was thinking of you” or “I hope you’re having a wonderful day”.

    I have no problem with a woman texting first. Sometimes it actually gets my attention.

    My preference is a strong, independent woman.

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  12. If two adjacent houses are to be knocked into one which is sturdy and not at risk of collapse or subsidence then it is important to check out the foundations of each house and ensure they are both sound. Which one is checked out before the other is of no consequence.

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  13. Interaction and understanding are more important than anything else. No games. No chase, no drama. No need to ask, “what is this supposed to mean?” It’s just so rare to find, but you know it when you find it. Most times one person is more interested, or more insecure, or whatever they come in with. You need that patient urgency to spend time together or communicating at least – patient, but not complacent. Urgent, but not pushy.

    It’s a rare spark of nature – but it’s real!

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  14. I have no problem with women texting first as long as they aren’t texting “I want to have your baby” or “We really need to change your wardrobe.” Just keep it light and playful and I’m hooked.

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  15. With texting it depends on his opinion and what he is looking for in the relationship. If he wants to be pursued he’ll welcome the text at any time. If he wants to pursue, he’ll text you first. It’s reasonable to think if you have a job, or important things to do, you won’t respond until you have a quiet moment to consider your response, rather than throwing out something rushed. I think, take your time and don’t sweat it.

    I am a married guy. In our relationship she likes to be pursued, attended, loved in her language and she appreciates when I set aside my own wants and preferences and do what she wants- translate to dishes, chores, laundry, cooking, foot bath and back massage and it used to be diaper changing and it’s shifted into helping the darlings with homework and music, and watching a crappy movie while holding hands. I may change my mind later about the movie. What’s fair is fair, I like to be pursued too, loved in my own language, and I appreciate when she sets aside her wants and preferences, to do what I want- translate to listening to music I enjoy, showing some appreciation for my writing and other things I like to do. It’s great when one of us has had a rough day and the other comes to bring us a cup of hot tea or some other relaxing beverage, sometimes it’s that simple.

    The problem comes when she or I are not available to each other, for long spans of time, to be pursued (or caught!) but one takes for granted that the other will keep pursuing and be there when the pursued feels like being caught, but pushing away all the time. Nobody likes being led on. If you want to be in a relationship you have to work those limits out, talk about stuff, and decide together how it can work so you both give each other enough to keep it going. If you don’t care enough to talk it out and make it happen, it’s time to re-evaluate your choices.

    Maybe you’re over-thinking it. If you’re thoughtful and take your time you will understand what you need and then have time to fully understand what he really wants, too. And then decide how to work it out, whether it works together, or not. When I read Ephesians 5, which is my favorite text about marriage, there are two sides to it- she should respect him and care about him, but he should be loving, thoughtful, and worthy of her respect.

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  16. you commented that it’s a long term relationship, so I think this is a bit different than just dating. That said, I think men want the same thing women want. They want to know that they are being heard, and valued.
    I’m not a fan of games at all. Express how you feel in a way that is clear, don’t assume that any guy knows what you are feeling just because they know you. Don’t attack and don’t be judgmental. How he chooses to respond is then up to him.

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  17. Not that I am an expert, but isn;t this an individual thing? I rather want to let someone I know how I feel, what ever it is, as soon as possible. It just makes more sense to me. I know that’s not always what other guys always think. It looks “desperate” when you want it or “cold” when you don’t. I mean, you have to be aware of the other person feels so you aren’t creepy or an ass. But, still got to be honest and upfront.

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  18. As a man I believe it’s authenticity. One of our main masculine features is cutting straight to the business and not circling around for hours on hours. This is true to our very core, now there may have been some things that detoured us from this whether it be previous relationship issues, poor parenting but at the end of the day a core masculine feature is authenticity so we would like for the same in a life partner. Remember the TYPE of man you want to attract is far more important then the type of relationship your looking for (I see you saw you were looking for long term). Truth is whether your looking for long term or short term the attraction wont last until you know how to attract the type of man you want.

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  19. I like the pursuit/chase up to a point. I also find it attractive if a woman is independent enough to have her own stuff going on and therefore not reply via text or call right away. That makes me want to connect with her more. If it is too easy or there’s a sense of need coming from her, that’s less attractive.

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