No emotions

I remember in group therapy one time. A girl asked the people who run it “why do I want to start feeling emotions”. Seemed a little odd at the time. But she had a good point. Here we all were learning to deal with all the emotions naming them and feeling just how much pain we were all in. I was at the same yesterday. I was done feeling. Didn’t want sadness, anger, happiness. I didn’t want it. I’ve been low but skillful. I was just tired I didn’t want it. I was trying hard i think to hard to be well that i was forcing myself to be unwell. I wanted a break. My old way was to cut. I could control it. I could pick up my blade, cut myself, understand why it hurt, clean it up and the pain ease as it healed. Since I swore I’d never do it again I was at a loss. Then I was sitting there and realised I was numb. I felt nothing. It was bliss. Lasted a few hours. Now I have no idea how or why. But I needed it. Just to take a little break from myself without using my mind to beat myself up. Over the next few days I’ll see if I can work out how I did it. But for now I’m grateful to have had like a mini holiday from my mind without cutting or selfharm.


20 thoughts on “No emotions

  1. This happens when we suppress our feelings too much especially the pain. Cry out loud if u feel real pain. Let it out . after all u r a human u have a beautiful heart . don’t hurt yourself .
    I want you to listen to Eminem’s song called “beautiful” I’m sure u will bounce back.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Its so great to get out of your own mind for a while. Emotions are so exhausting! I hope you can figure out how you relaxed :). When im feeling anxious, i put on Frank Sinatra music and paint my nails. It can be such a simple thing.

    Liked by 1 person

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