No emotions

I remember in group therapy one time. A girl asked the people who run it “why do I want to start feeling emotions”. Seemed a little odd at the time. But she had a good point. Here we all were learning to deal with all the emotions naming them and feeling just how much pain we were all in. I was at the same yesterday. I was done feeling. Didn’t want sadness, anger, happiness. I didn’t want it. I’ve been low but skillful. I was just tired I didn’t want it. I was trying hard i think to hard to be well that i was forcing myself to be unwell. I wanted a break. My old way was to cut. I could control it. I could pick up my blade, cut myself, understand why it hurt, clean it up and the pain ease as it healed. Since I swore I’d never do it again I was at a loss. Then I was sitting there and realised I was numb. I felt nothing. It was bliss. Lasted a few hours. Now I have no idea how or why. But I needed it. Just to take a little break from myself without using my mind to beat myself up. Over the next few days I’ll see if I can work out how I did it. But for now I’m grateful to have had like a mini holiday from my mind without cutting or selfharm.

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20 thoughts on “No emotions

  1. This happens when we suppress our feelings too much especially the pain. Cry out loud if u feel real pain. Let it out . after all u r a human u have a beautiful heart . don’t hurt yourself .
    I want you to listen to Eminem’s song called “beautiful” I’m sure u will bounce back.
    Love
    Supreet

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Its so great to get out of your own mind for a while. Emotions are so exhausting! I hope you can figure out how you relaxed :). When im feeling anxious, i put on Frank Sinatra music and paint my nails. It can be such a simple thing.

    Liked by 1 person

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