Part of my recovery is setting small goals. This relapse is my first major one in 2 years. I think part of the issue is I was doing so well that I forgot with my illness of “borderline personality disorder” is relapse can come out of no where. Maybe I thought I was cured. I spoke to my therapist over the phone who reminded me that the old me is the old me. The new me is the one who’s aware, can express, can name feelings. That I am using my skills.
After doing Dialectical behavior therapy(DBT) we were giving what we named our Bible. Our book of all the skills, all the worksheet etc. So every Monday I’m going to pick a skill to work on. I’m choosing “radical acceptance”.
I see it as accepting what I can’t not change. I always thought it meant approving. But it doesn’t it to me means. Putting me first. Accepting that as much as I want to change something I can’t always do that.
My reason for choosing this first. Is all my thoughts, feelings and everything is wrapped up in the man I love right now. Trying to change the current situation, sadness. Its not helping me nor us. Its leading down a path I don’t want suffering. No matter what I’ll stick by him even if its from afar. But for not I need to radically accept this is how it is right now.