Two hours before ….

This is to some up what i go through before a social occasion especially one off my children’s party’s. Even I know it sounds nuts

Two hours before ….. I’m nervous. But I’m ok. Food to prep, house to clean. Kids dressed and sorted. I’m feeling ok with my choice of outfit and done my hair.

An hour before …… Everything’s done ready for when the guests arrive. I’m starting to get the shakes. My chest feels tight. My breathing is shallow and fast. Saying over and over its for my girl. Everything will be great. People will turn up and be fine with each other. Trying to steady my breathing and keeping my hands busy. I have to at least appear happy and in control. I can’t let him see how much he affects me.

5minutes before …. Anxiety us through the roof bordering on a full blown panic attack. Questioning everything from feel like I’ve not got enough food, should’ve not had the party. I can’t handle seeing him. Checking the time constantly, for messages if people decided not to come. I brush my teeth every 10minutes for an hour before stupid when he not gonna kiss me (only do this when hes coming over maybe ocd?) I also go to the loo like 4 times in the hour before (dont get this) i chain smoke n drink to much coffee.Logically I know I’m driving myself insane and don’t know how to stop it. Logically knowing my girl deserves this. All the while putting on a big smile for my children so they know everything is going well. So tired and drained. But I must must must do this for her.

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12 thoughts on “Two hours before ….

  1. There are tears in my eyes yet they hadn’t fallen down because of how amazingly strong you truly are. I tell you that during those moments i hope you do feel my love and everything soaring through you, smoother then air. One love. So strong, so much love. – Kiara xo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I go through emotion like this with events for both of my kids. I cannot recall the last time my nerves were calm enough to eat any party food the actual day of because I get so queasy. I just want everyone to be happy, the event to go well, etc and all of my what if’s and worries turn into severe nausea. No matter how delicious the snacks and cake are that I meticulously plan, the actual party day it’s all I can do to slowly sip Sprite or ginger ale.

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