(I’ll call the oldest mark and the youngest josh)
To my darling step sons,
Boys when I first meet your daddy, one of the reasons I feel in love with him was for the pride and how he so highly spoke of you both. He loves you with every part of him. He and I spoke so much about you both. I was nervous but so excited to meet you. Wow when I meet you blew me away. Mark you were the shy one. You observed me and the kids. How me and your daddy were together. Your quite the closed book. You little Mark had me curious. Josh you my darling are the cheeky, loud no fear young man. Racing around on your bike, telling me about your birthday you just had. You had me laughing from the get-go.
Boys I hoped we’d get along with each other. That you’d be comfortable around me. I’ll be honest boys I hoped we could respect each other and get along. Never did I realise that I could love my step children like my own. But here I am I’ve known you along time. You both have mums already and I never wanted to replace them. But Mark and Josh I love you. I know I’m not your mummy but you feel like my sons. When I’m asked I say I have four children, 3 boys and a girl. I have very different bonds with each of you. I never expected this. You both have given me the chance to learn love by choice.
Josh I remember one day you asked to have a private talk with me, you with tears asked me even though you have a mum who you love to pieces. You asked if you could call me mum. We as a family talked and the choice was given to you. I felt honoured that you thought so much of me to want that. At a point we fought hard, clashed pretty badly. Darling I thought you hated me and I broke me. But I now see you were scared and needed to protect yourself. Our bond is still as huge as the day you called me mum.
Mark when I meet you, you weren’t living with daddy yet. But I remember that day picking up a scared little boy. We brought you home to your new room all set up, clothes in your draws, toys all around. You looked shocked and so happy. Given what you’d been through, there were challenges I faced to really getting to know you. You didn’t trust and you didn’t like touch. I’d ask if I could give you a cuddle and over time you let me and even started cuddling back. I remember you been scared of the swings. Slowly one day I asked you to trust me. To sit on the swing and just let me hold the chains. You looked scared. I said if you are ready I can push just a little. You shock your head. So I just stood quietly. Then to my surprise you nodded. I silently pushed the swing gently. I realised at that moment I’d gained your trust. It made my heart burst with pride.
Over the years you’ve both done so much to drive me batty and make me happy. The little things. Mark you loved watching me in the kitchen baking and cake decorating. Also transforming photos as you watched. Josh you kept me on my toes with your mischief ways and making me laugh with your jokes and pranks. I loved kissing you goodnight every single night. Once or twice you said I love you back. I loved picking you up from school. Watching you play.
I know things have know changed. I would give anything to keep it all going. But my darlings sometimes life has other ideas for us. I miss you both each and everyday. I love you as my sons. If I could change things I’d do it in a heartbeat. But please please boys I need you to know. My love for you will never leave my heart. You are with me always. I will treasure each and every moment and milestone that you gifted me with. Be kind to your daddy, give him lots of cuddles and always tell him how much you love him. There will be times he’s tough on you, but he does it cause he loves you so much and he wants the best for you.
I also want you to know that your brother and sister miss you both to.
Your step mama for life x