Been trying to get real over situation with him. So I thought I’d do a list. 5 things I really miss. 5 things I don’t like or don’t miss about him. Now this is quite the challenge its taken me quite some time. I also come to realise the negatives were mainly to do with outside people. Not him or us. And no deal breakers.
5 things I don’t miss
5-him setting is alarm clock and cell phone for 6am every morning. Even days when he’s not at work. I wake up every time have to get up turn alarm off and stay wide awake.
4- the way he keep saying what others say don’t hurt or affect him. Yet he proved they do when his mood drops and he keeps talking about it.
3- not all but friends. The interfering ones. The ex friends who threatened us. An ex that kept following me online. Plain idiots he got back in contact with whom dragged him down.
2 – don’t miss him talking about his boss having his back at work and not being able to see she’s used his work ethic, kindness and above and beyond attitude and friendship to push him to the brink. When the going gets tough he gets bullied by staff and boss does nothing.
1- his inability to see his own patterns.
Things that do miss
5- so many things I miss. Its the simple things. I miss seeing the passion for life in his eyes. This happened just before contact eased. Lost his confidence. Put up his walls. Stopped believing he deserves happiness to.
4 – miss us in the kitchen weather me making him a coffee or dinner after work. To standing chatting as he made our family favourite treats and we watched the kids running around having fun. His looks at me when he thought I wasn’t watching.
3 – intimacy. Physical, emotionally, sexually, mentally. Connecting on a level I’ve never known. And feeling the connection grow.
2 – text messages sometimes 20 a day sometimes 200. Him ringing to chat. Random I’m on my way we miss you guys. Telling me all the good and all the bad. Trusting me with confiding in each other over day to day and hopes and dreams
1- I miss our family time. Our adventures. Sitting watching our children. I miss us taking photos. Both unaware we getting sneaky shots of each other then seeing them later. I miss him turning up with my favourite ice cream. Giving the kids cuddles. Joking around. Laughing.
Reality is people. Even that on the things I don’t miss. I kinda of do at the same time. I miss the good the bad and the ugly that comes with my life with him. I miss the safe feeling. Being protected. Miss the big things and the tiny. I miss being able to be each others sounding board.
All in all this little experiment has made me realise even more that despite all the challenges we have faced and put each other through. I still love him. There’s still so much good. That the negative doesn’t make me want to give up.
PS I also miss his facial expression. The serious face, concentrating look, wow look at our children proud face. And his damn I’m so in love with you face