Top five

Been trying to get real over situation with him. So I thought I’d do a list. 5 things I really miss. 5 things I don’t like or don’t miss about him. Now this is quite the challenge its taken me quite some time. I also come to realise the negatives were mainly to do with outside people. Not him or us. And no deal breakers.

5 things I don’t miss

5-him setting is alarm clock and cell phone for 6am every morning. Even days when he’s not at work. I wake up every time have to get up turn alarm off and stay wide awake.

4- the way he keep saying what others say don’t hurt or affect him. Yet he proved they do when his mood drops and he keeps talking about it.

3- not all but friends. The interfering ones. The ex friends who threatened us. An ex that kept following me online. Plain idiots he got back in contact with whom dragged him down.

2 – don’t miss him talking about his boss having his back at work and not being able to see she’s used his work ethic, kindness and above and beyond attitude and friendship to push him to the brink. When the going gets tough he gets bullied by staff and boss does nothing.

1- his inability to see his own patterns.

Things that do miss

5- so many things I miss. Its the simple things. I miss seeing the passion for life in his eyes. This happened just before contact eased. Lost his confidence. Put up his walls. Stopped believing he deserves happiness to.

4 – miss us in the kitchen weather me making him a coffee or dinner after work. To standing chatting as he made our family favourite treats and we watched the kids running around having fun. His looks at me when he thought I wasn’t watching.

3 – intimacy. Physical, emotionally, sexually, mentally. Connecting on a level I’ve never known. And feeling the connection grow.

2 – text messages sometimes 20 a day sometimes 200. Him ringing to chat. Random I’m on my way we miss you guys. Telling me all the good and all the bad. Trusting me with confiding in each other over day to day and hopes and dreams

1- I miss our family time. Our adventures. Sitting watching our children. I miss us taking photos. Both unaware we getting sneaky shots of each other then seeing them later. I miss him turning up with my favourite ice cream. Giving the kids cuddles. Joking around. Laughing.

Reality is people. Even that on the things I don’t miss. I kinda of do at the same time. I miss the good the bad and the ugly that comes with my life with him. I miss the safe feeling. Being protected. Miss the big things and the tiny. I miss being able to be each others sounding board.

All in all this little experiment has made me realise even more that despite all the challenges we have faced and put each other through. I still love him. There’s still so much good. That the negative doesn’t make me want to give up.

PS I also miss his facial expression. The serious face, concentrating look, wow look at our children proud face. And his damn I’m so in love with you face


28 thoughts on “Top five

  1. That’s a whole lot. You know what I think? I don’t think we can be over someone completely. Specially someone we have loved a lot. I mean, there’s always these little things that keep us reminding of them and no matter what we do we just can’t escape it.

    Intimacy counts for a lot. I have known people who can’t develop the same intimacy that they have developed with their certain someone. Maybe he is worth waiting for.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Interesting points; I really like this idea. You have a lot of good reasons about your situations and I think its extremely brave of you. I know I could never do that.

    You’re doing well; this process does take time, especially with changes that you aren’t used to. But it sounds like you are taking a step in the right direction. My thoughts are with you and your children. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My experience with women is quite limited. Lets just say I’m 33, only kissed one girl and have had sex a handful of times. That said, I know for a fact I’ll never completely let go of the feelings I’ve developed from the various crushes over the years so I’m not even going to bother trying. All I can do is learn from each experience and keep on trucking. Sooner or later will come the time I say goodbye but even then there will always be a piece of them in my heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Whichever way you decide to go, time is the most important factor. He’ll need time to realize that he’s missing out on a good thing. Or, you’ll need time to move forward with your life. Either way…the common denominator is time…so do not rush to move in either direction until you feel as though you can live with whichever decision you make…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It sounds to me that you have experienced love. In a very deep sense. And the person that invoked that feeling in you is very special indeed. The bond that you both have is truly precious, and not one that you find many times in a lifetime. And you felt it equally. And you are experiencing heartbreak because you are not together. The time that you did spent together was very precious indeed. I speak from experience, when I say this – there is a reason that you are not together now. If there wasn’t a reason then he would be sat by your side. That’s his CHOICE. No matter how we look at it, no matter the circumstances, each and every one of us has a choice. This is a hard thing to face. I know, I have been there so I speak from experience. There is a life partner out there for you, it make take a little time to meet them that’s all. One who is ready for you. Timing is everything. Until then – take the positive from this whole experience – not every one experiences what you have already to such depth. The positive and challenges that come from that allow you to grow and spread your wings. Love yourself and your true love will find you ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks ben. Its like you read my mind its a love i never knew possible. I wish more then anything we were together i don’t want to lose him or us. Our bond and our beautiful family. Your right we both made a choice. So difficult the he backs off and comes back. Thank you for your comment

      Liked by 1 person

      • It is a choice. And it’s hard to accept in this situation as the emotions you both feel are so real and powerful. How could it not be? I know from the heart that your soul mate is out there. And you will know when you meet them. That person will connect with you just as powerfully and will make a choice to be with you as you them. It won’t be a choice in fact. You need to work through the challenging emotions of this experience to grow and move forwards. Then, and only then, will you be in a place to meet your life partner. It could be him. He may just need some time. Let the situation ‘go’ and see what comes back. The answers all lay within you. Peace and love x

        Liked by 1 person

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