Apparently its simple. Just move on right? Let it go? Live life? Forget the one I love? Stop caring about what happens to my step sons! Don’t give a shit about how my mother in laws doing! Simple my damn arse! Simple as time. Like that’s going to erase all the moments I treasure. Its not going to stop the physical longing. Its not going to stop my mind going over and over. Its not going to stop the guilt I feel to my four children for putting them in this situation. Yes I get up every single painful day, I take good care of my children. I clean my home, cook excellent meals, I try to find pleasure. Weather it be this blog, a movie, smiling at strangers. Yes I still leave my house when I would rather stay in the safety of my home. Yes I read, I cry, I have to much hope. Yes to many I’m just a foolish girl who won’t let go. What no one sees is all that I do to try to move on. Every single skill I use from therapy. Every little battle I face. So no its not as simple as just moving on. If I didn’t express through my writing it would stay bottled inside me waiting to explode. So if your frustrated. Try just for a moment to put yourself in my shoes and realise how frustrated I am with myself. Life isn’t black in white. Its taken me so long to see that. The way I heal, move on or stick with hope is the only way I know how. It doesn’t make it wrong. It makes it my life.