Was he controlling

Was he controlling or did I like to be lead. Did I have such little self confidence that I allowed another person to take the upper hand. I’ve come to realise that my ex partner made the bulk of the decisions across our 4 year relationship. Decisions that not only effected him and I but the kids to. As I look back I gave it to many times. Shut my mouth as for him not to leave. I realised I dont trust him. I’ve know now even without sailor and I. That I’ve made the best decision to end things, to cut all contact. He’s not a bad person. But he’s not my person. Not the person I should be with. I learnt a lot from him, hindsight I learnt what I don’t want in my life partner. I can say for certain now that I’ve come to an end of an error with that part of my life. He did show me a lot, taught me I’m capable of loving. I happy I’d experienced the years with him. But I’m Happy its over. I’ve gained confidence within myself to know I can handle what’s thrown at me. That I can come up on top with my dignity


52 thoughts on “Was he controlling

  1. I can relate to you! Letting someone else control you requires a lot of confidence. I dont mind being controlled as long as I know the controller will not abuse and treat this as a right rather than a privilege!

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  2. everybody has a lesson for us. Some positive and some not so. But remember that you are 1st prize. Not a reserve or 2nd place. Abject mediocrity is not a relationship option.

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  3. If you were no longer able to be yourself because of someone else then you made the right decision. I’ve been there, and is hard to trust people after being in a controlling relationship, but you’ll get that back eventually. The one person you can’t afford to lose is yourself 🙂

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  4. The art of controlling is a subtle one. It doesn’t smack you in the face wearing hunting orange. It slowly turns down the temperature bit by bit so by the time you realize you’re frozen, it’s hard to move. If you have to ask if he was controlling, the answer is almost invariably yes. Trust your gut. And kudos to you for setting yourself free.

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  5. I simply call it: The fun, but done relationship. It’s when you clear your head and start coming to realize it is over and that the children deserve better. I don’t call it failure either; I call it a learning experience and some take longer time than others to learn. Remember this lesson, so you won’t fall for the same “teacher” again. God Bless. LaVancia

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  6. If you’re wondering if someone is controlling, that person is most likely controlling. At least, that’s been my experience and the experience of all my friends who have asked “Do you think [partner] is controlling?”.

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  7. I understand well only mine was 12 years long and I’m thankful we didn’t have children. I’ve pondered a lot on things and realized it was often that it wasn’t that I was weak, but merely that I wanted to please him. I sacrificed many of my own needs in that conquest and that’s part of my part of the problems we had. I realized the other day that the signs were there the first year I dated him and the feisty girl I was didn’t put up with that behavior. I’m not sure when I started to show things to happen that really didn’t work for me, but one can drive oneself crazy trying to figure it out and lose sight of living in the present. You can’t change what was. Yes some part of you had to allow some things to happen, but that doesn’t make you weak. Love makes us all vulnerable and that’s part of its beauty. I was pretty broken after mine, but eventually I realized I had a unique opportunity to become anyone I wanted to be as I no longer had someone telling me I couldn’t. Embrace your new life 🙂

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  8. We learn more from the mistakes we make than from success. Sounds like you learned what you needed to and are ready to move forward and not repeat that experience. Bravo!

    Liked by 1 person

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