Letter to bpd

Dear bpd

Right BPD we had a deal. We’ve had it for a few years now. Remember?

If I took care of my physical wellbeing, walking, eating better, sleeping. Taking baths to relax. Take good care of my children. Keep my home looking good and enjoyed cooking and baking.

That you’d be nice and lessen your severe nature by allowing me to emotionally keep my shit together.

Guess what BPD your not keeping your end of the bargain here are ya!?!

Sitting here shaking like a leaf in the wind. My stomach in knots like the ocean crashing around. I’m being mindful. Im taking my little pill at night which isn’t as effective. I’m using my dbt skills to win the battle.

So ill tell you again bpd I’m stepping up so you step out alright. Simple really your a part of me that will become my past. Like all break ups it’ll be hard to do. I’ll ignore you whispers of I miss you. I won’t respond to the knocking at the door just to remind me your there. I’ll sort through and find my closure so once and for all I can kick your ugly mask to the door and never look back.

Goodbye
Kelz

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28 thoughts on “Letter to bpd

  1. Hey kid.
    This is good.
    This is really, really good.
    It’s exciting and hopeful and strong and inspiring.
    Kind of familiar to me too.
    A while back I came to somewhat of mutual agreement with my Depression and Anxiety. Couldn’t quite do it with the ADD ’cause that little bastard always kept changing the subject, but it’s actually kind of worked with the Depression and Anxiety:
    they had to acknowledge that I would NOT let them suck the lifeblood our of me and I had to acknowledge that I could never choke the life breath out of them.
    They would NOT control every aspect of my life and I would not shut them down entirely.
    In exchange for shutting their demonic pie holes every now and then, I would have to let them out to play every so often.
    They’re like spoiled little brats … spoiled little hyperactive, sugar-bingeing, caffeine-junkie brats, and there’s only so long you can keep them in “Time Out” before they come barrel-assing out of the corner of the room, run right up your chest, lock their legs around the back of your head and get right in your face screaming “PAAAAAAAAAARRRRRTTTTTY, MOTHER——!!!!!!!!!”
    It’s somewhat of a mutual respect:
    I know exactly what Depression and Anxiety can do to me, and I won’t let them;
    they know that I can put up a hell of a fight, and agree there are times when it’s in everybody’s best interests to leave me the hell alone.
    We all understand that nobody’s going anywhere.
    It’s up to me where we go together.

    Stay well, precious sister.

    Harris

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thanks heaps πŸ™‚ hey Harris you have a real gift for writing. Without knowing me you perfectly sum up what runs through my mind. Your a real inspiration to me and I’m sure many others. Take care πŸ™‚

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      • Kelz, you just made my day.
        The way I figure it, our individual thoughts can take us so many places that we’ve never been before, places maybe even nobody else has ever been. There are just an infinite number of variable to work into the equation of “how the hell did I get like this?”
        But God only invented a set number of emotions and feelings that come from that innumerable permutation of mindfarts.
        We all share those, and while it is impossible at times to really know what someone is thinking, it’s a whole bunch easier to know what they’re feeling.
        When we let ourselves, of course.

        Harris

        P. S.
        Couldn’t decide what to binge-watch tonight.
        Until now.
        A few Peter Jackson movies.
        None of “those”.
        The ones next to nobody’s ever heard of.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Kelz, this is good – both for you and for me. I have been feeling like BPD has been hanging around again and haven’t been too happy about it. But I was about to cave and open the door. Your post shows a lot of strength and desire to stay on the high road and I am proud of you for that. I am also encouraged to do the same. Hang in there, stay strong and know you are not alone…either in having to deal with BPD or the winning the battles. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. That’s a great attitude! Keep it positive as much as possible. For me it is usually hard to see the forest through the trees. However, I did come out of the darkness to see the sun at least for a couple of weeks. It feels sooo good. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  4. When I first began my medical leave last fall, it was suggested I write letters to the people I was most upset with. It was never suggested I write a letter to the illness. What a great idea. All the best to you and continue to write. Look forward to reading more.

    Like

  5. Found this through Being Lydia, recognized your name from likes on my blog, and definitely recognize the journey. Though mine is labeled PTSD and not BPD, I know that feeling of an unwelcome bugger knocking at my door. Blessings and prayers for the journey. There is Somebody bigger than all our collective crud that can carry us through.

    Like

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