Going off medication should be simple aye? Stop taking it and ya good to go. Mmm nope. Try mood swings, lack of sleep, headaches, physically feeling ill.
Reward I was put on qutiapene or how ever ya spell it. More then 2 1/2 years ago. I hadn’t slept for days. Basically was a low dose to help with relaxing me to be able to fall asleep and anxiety during the day. Worked a treat. Feeling better I went of it with docs permission, bring on first suicide attempt. Back on it, great, slept again. So off it I go then the sleepless nights kicked in, depression selfharm then my second serious suicide attempt.
Talking to the doc last week we discussed upping meds, I said no I want off them. But was worried I’d sink. He told me to keep taking one a night til I felt ready. The past week I realised the meds didn’t do what they use to so discussing it with my partner , opening up about my fears. I thought more and made the decision to stop them last night.
Laying in bed brain in complete over drive. My darling talked me through some visual mindfulness. I felt calm and went straight to sleep. But woke not 20 minutes later with a fright. I quietly got up snuck down stairs for a hot choc and smoke. A few hours later I feel in to my first unmedicated sleep in so long.
Waking I felt tense, muscles tight. But I felt good. Great in fact. Then the headache kicked in, sailor watched kids so I could sleep. Not able to settle I got up. Anxiety climbing. Mood swings, extreme tiredness. My darling when and got me pain relief, made me chocolate brownies, making me smile, laugh.
Fully understanding even tho I told him I knew I was snappy at the kids n him. Hate feeling like this.
That was day and night one of going off medication that was not meant to be addictive, nor cause withdrawals. It’ll be worth it to see if it helps my shakes, nightmares and ruff nights.
I’m grateful.to my sailor and my children for their support. They are giving me strength to push past the fear and physical side affects.