Nearly 1 in the morning

Nearly 1 in the morning, while my children and sailor sleep peacefully up stairs. Im sitting alone in my carport, sipping on a hot chocolate taking a drag on my ciggy, the wind whipping around. The sound of tree branches hitting tin fences. The waves crashing loudly in the distance. Wishing sleep could come to me. Knowing my choice to come off medication has physical affects as the drug slowly leaves my system. Knowing I need to give my body and mind the time to adjust. To learn how to sleep unaided. To form new routines. To accept I can not force or control this. I have to roll with the punches and hold on to the hope and knowledge that I’ll get through this and be better off. To accept I’m no longer the person I was the last time I came off them. That I have my children. I have my supportive amazing sailor. Who know exactly what I’m going through. Someone to reassure me when I’m doubting my decisions.

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32 thoughts on “Nearly 1 in the morning

  1. I know you are going off the drug that you’ve been on to relax you. You have to be careful that aren’t replacing it with caffeine, sugar, and nicotine that excite your brain and make it harder to relax.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Getting good sleep is a perpetual battle for most these days. The blue light from our computers mess with our system. I drink a magnesium tea when sleep eludes me too long. My sister has taken med for years for it. I can’t. I wish you well.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It is a big step you are making and I guess to tell from the developments of the past weeks and months it is the perfect time to say: I am ready for a change!
    Btw. how you describe sitting on your patio sounds inspiring and peaceful. I heard the waves in the distance….

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Agree with the comments. Ciggs can make you think more which is not good. I quit them after I realised they were one of the reasons for my insomnia. Alcohol is another one we should avoid.

    Wishing you all the best πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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