BPD has my head

I’m scared I’ve put a major spanner in the works and stuffed or began to stuff up the best thing that’s come into my life in years. My sailor has my heart. BPD has my head. How I love someone so much but be in a sense allowing my mind to sabotage it. It super frustrating to be battling my own brain to constantly see some things so blown out of proportion. Minor pick your battle issue turning into fear or rejection. I fee so selfish and wrong. But its like I’ve lost the power and its taking over my world. I feel crazy and stupid .


52 thoughts on “BPD has my head

  1. My daughter speaks of this problem often. One day she is fine, and the next her mind is messing with her all over again. It’s a vicious cycle that never seems to end. I hope that you see better days soon. Don’t feel crazy or stupid, that’s just the BPD talking.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Your post is dead-on with how BPD makes us feel, sometimes. However, you stated something to the effect that we sometimes have delusions/hallucinations. This is actually, closer to the truth. Sighing…I know. We other think. Overdo. Over(fill in the blank). We do. We just have to realize that this is all part of who we are. We sometimes, have to take a step back or even leave a room so that we can look back in retrospect, which can be a powerful tool if we use it.

    If I come off as mean-spirited in any manner, I certainly didn’t mean to. I go through this too. A lot. 😦

    Take care of yourself, first. Otherwise, there’s nothing left for others.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Ok-breathe-count of 4 in breath, 6 outbreath…he knows of your BPD. Sometimes, it may feel like you’re in a fishbowl-everyone can see…Just not true-I held a job, was very depressed and knew EVERYONE knew! Not really.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. My heart goes out to you. I know exactly what you’re talking about. I like Sharon keep writing and deleting. What is there to say. Just know that you are not alone in this. You are in my thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Don’t feel crazy or stupid! You should feel brave, brave to share this with us 🙂 I can relate to this and I know its hard, but its gonna be okey! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I read the post and feel sad. I read the replies and feel mixed. Support, but it must be so hard and honestly, all I can do is try to encourage you to trust what you have found. I have no experience with BPD, so won’t give you a bunch of pat answers. Just trust love and Sailor…and yourself…you all seem to be wonderful!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Hey Kelz. Sounds like a rough time. If sailor already knows you he’ll forgive and remember it’s not you it’s just the circumstances. Don’t blame yourself for your conditions. Encourage yourself that you can overcome them. You can do this. If it doesn’t pan out, you can keep going.

    Remember to care for yourself kindly and with compassion.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. The BPD makes me understand what is up with all of my crazy relationships and feeling abandoned and then push them away again. I am learning a lot about BPD on these blogs. The thing is our feelings change constantly and you will feel different at a later date in time.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. You’re not crazy or stupid, I’m going through the same sort of thing. It’s hard to not feel like you have control over your head but have your heart be wanting something else. It gets better, or so I’ve been told.

    Liked by 1 person

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