Spring in my step – Day 11

Yesterday was an incredibly emotionally draining day. I couldn’t find the positive, when reality is there was a big one. The support from my sailor.

Rewind, about a month ago I discovered a odd mark on my back, thinking it was a bruising maybe I’d knocked myself, a week or so later sailor said it was worse and had in a way spread. So last week I finally booked in with my doctor.

Going two days ago, I explained the near constant headaches and tiredness, and showed the marks. He turned to me and said I’m going to get a camera I have no idea what it is. Then he came back with another doc saying he wanted a second opinion. This was a good thing until after their talking he didn’t know either. One comment “least I don’t think it looks like skin Cancer. They said they’d do bloods and send the photos to a skin specialist.

Walking.over the road to get bloods was when the fear kicked it. Firstly my fear of needles, secondly when they took a shit load of viles and said there was a rush on the tests.

So yesterday waiting on the first lot of results, and lack of sleep sent my anxiety through the roof. My mind swirling with antibodies, tests, biopsy, long term, remission, vasularitis, burst blood vessels.

My sailor calmed me, see stupid me Google vasularitis. Firsts results came back clear now waiting on second bloods that were sent away and hearing from the specialist. Won’t know anything before next week. Knowing I’m likely to be panicking over nothing my goal is to be skillful in trying to stay calm today.

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29 thoughts on “Spring in my step – Day 11

  1. First you and family are in my prayers. Being a sailor as well, we have to have a mind set of optimisation.Having panic attacks out to sea can be detrimental to our well being.Our responsibility to our fellow sailors has to stand true to themand ourselves. Stinking thinking like, “what if the ship sinks” canstart a chain of events in bad weather or at battle stations.Be strong for one another especially if there are little ones around. Michael

    kkkkk

    Date: Thu, 10 Sep 2015 19:39:39 +0000 To: booguloo@live.com

    Liked by 2 people

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