I got a call from hospital with a cancelation so went to the akin specialist. I was terrified. Shaking. My sailor came with me for support and to be a second set of ears. Which I’m so grateful for. I walked in the doc toke one look and said thats “Erythema ab igne”. Basically its a ugly huge skin thing which looks like bruising lace. Cause from use of heat pack for my back pain. So I’m not sick (back to the drawing board with other symptoms). I’m grateful to be well. However its a lot to process. This never goes away and possibly will get bigger or worse. Basically a shitload of burst blood vessels. I’m in three minds. 1 I feel stupid cause i caused it. 2 I’m grateful its not a illness. 3 I’m trying to process the fact that on top of my selfharm scars, stretch marks and scars covering me I now have this to accept.

My sailor keeps telling me I’m still beautiful but I’ve never felt this disgusted with my body.

Time to try radical acceptance

Thanks to every like and comment of support and apologize for not replying. Its been an over whelming time.


43 thoughts on “Finally

  1. Our bodies are so hard to control. I signified my acceptance of my self harm scars with a full sleeve tattoo. Your body is doing the best it can, and you are doing the best you can with it. It’s hard to accept frailty and scars and such, but they are not You, they are just a small piece of the tapestry of your experience. I hope things get better soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Way to go, girl. I am very pleased to hear that. (And sorry about the bad back. I sympathize. On that, my best advice is do nothing. Swim once in a while. No breast strokes, just crawl or back strokes) The best medicine is Tramacet (don’t know the brand name o’er there, it’s Panadol with Trado. You probably need a perscription and it ain’t cheap. But. Is well tolerated by your kidneys and eases off the back pain wonderfully.
    Now, going back to the erythema. Hell, it’s nothing serious like a melanome. You were probalbly prescribed a topic cream. It will go away. πŸ™‚ And if it doesn’t take a walk on the beach. It does wonders to the soul and the skin.
    Be good.

    Liked by 1 person

      • That’s the spirit. And the popular origin of the expression “a pain in the…”. πŸ™‚
        If you sit down for a long time during the day, make sure you have a good, not too high seat. Bed: hard, flat mattress. Sleep on your side. Etc. you can actually find reasonably good advice on the ‘net for back pain. Take care of yourself. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Agree with several other replies. You are who and what you are inside…not on the outside. If that is all that matters, it is a much bigger problem we all face! Listen to your good vibes and your sailor!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. A small testimonial: I’ve experienced erythema ab igne numerous times, on my legs from staying too close to a campfire, and like you, on my lower back because of a heat pack. Just to let you know, it has always disappeared over time (not even a trace) πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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