Can’t sleep

So frustrated at myself right now. While I’m beyond happy with a lot of things, engaged to my soul mate, saving to buy land and build a tiny house. Kids over all doing really good. Aside from not being able to walk damn that personal trainer at the gym lol.

Yet alots happened lately to overwhelm me and it came to a head today. Things need to be said but not in the way I did. I was angry followed by tears. My fiancé was great and understanding which I needed but I felt bad.

I’m angry at myself and at a few people. My father made contact wanting us to go a family function. I stressed for a week turning the offer down but offering an alternative. I’ve twice in five years. Now I’m feeling guilt.

Then my ex friend turned up saying my ex step son was missing. So I help, him n my neighbours kids had taken off. They turned up outside my house. Long story short my fiancé keeped them there. Then step son made accusations against him to the police. Ex partner threaten him. I was bailed up at the school as was my son. All because my ex was hassling me a few months ago and was told to stay away or police would be involved.

Plus more. But because of my feelings went ocd on cleaning etc. And have found myself mentally and physically drained. Of course me being me over thinks and takes everything personally. Little things upset me. When I realise I’m over reacting etc it turns to guilt. My most treasured people pay the price.

Why can’t I just be happy. And not let others drag me down.

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5 thoughts on “Can’t sleep

  1. You are special, to feel, to help, to love…selflessly. Your happiness is in front of you within the embrace of your soul mate. Stop trying to solve the problems by yourself…open your heart to peace in the love of God. Take a deep breath and sit down and smell the roses…life is always going to bring things your way but you can make it better. I want to try to make you smile, lift you inside. I just shared a poem with a blogging friend. You are about to begin a life long adventure with your soul mate…the poem is called “Three Together As One,” Peace will come in everything you now do when you include God in your decision making…take the time to talk to him, and your spirit will be led by his spirit, helping you to decide what actions to take in life daily. Smile, you got some real good things going on in your life.

    An angel came to my world with a message
    Holding a perfect triangle in His hand
    He asked me if I knew why he carried it
    I laughed at him thinking such a crazy man

    He placed it down on a piece of paper
    Beginning to trace all of its shared lines
    As the image together became complete
    He then asked of me to open up my mind

    He explained how its adjoining three points
    All share equally the same space in between
    He went on to ask me this single question
    If I truly understood what it really means

    He went on to say how it truly displays
    In such a very special and wholesome way
    A wonderful side of pure spiritual wisdom
    Which many alive fail to embrace each day

    The top point of the triangle sit’s our God
    With His glory, grace, forgiveness and love
    But the two lines which went away from Him
    Went to the two creations He was most proud of

    The third line reflects Gods strong foundation
    A shelter when needing guidance the two can be
    But here in the triangle they would be connected
    Reflecting how the relationship will be for three

    If as a man you turn your head away from God
    You cannot hide from him anything you might do
    As you are connected to both God and your wife
    He will see and feel all you might plan to do

    It is the same for the wife as with her husband
    If she ever for some reason chooses to turn away
    God will see the paths which she also might take
    And nothing would be hidden from Him in any way

    The point of the message which he shared with me
    Was to help us understand where our hearts should stay
    He said look at the connecting lines in your life
    Sharing and depending will bless your lives each day

    For God will love and embrace you both all the time
    With His blossoming love in so many beautiful ways
    And His blessings will always nourish your lives daily
    When in this threefold embrace of love you both stay.

    Never mistreat each other a single day in your lives
    Treat and love the other as you would love yourself
    And when God looks daily upon your steps each day
    Your hearts will never in his eyes leave any doubt.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    My wife Deborah and I were married 23 days after
    this poem was written. I share it hoping some will make the same decision in their lives. Just look around your peace is close by! Have an amazing weekend!

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  2. sometimes it comes to a point where you have to walk away from the ones that are causing you the most grief. You have to take them out of your life. Then the ones that are left make them understand everything you feel. I hope you can get relief (hugs)

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  3. We are social creatures and we bond with each other much more quickly and naturally than we would like to admit that we do. That’s why others can bring us down! It has nothing to do with you. All you can do is to continue building your perfect future, one little brick at a time. If you continue, it *will* get better!

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  4. Hey that’s just life…your a good woman and sometimes try to hard to keep everyone and everything around you on an even keel and in the meantime your knocked off….deep breath learn to step back and let them deal with life….the sun always comes up no matter how hard we try to keep sanity…..kat

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