So I figure that after having my Kelzbelzphotography blog for coming up 3 years, I might change something slightly. I’ve run this blog completely anonymously. I hid behind the scenes. I’ve shared so much. Reality is I’m ready. To show who I am. I’m no long ashamed of my past, my scars, my life. I am who I am. I’m just an ordinary girl who has like many battled many demons. But now I know happiness, contentment, joy, and pride. So fellow bloggers, even though this scares the shit outta me. I’m pleased to finally show you the face behind kelzbelzphotography. Introducing me the face behind the scenes
This morning my new hubby left for two weeks away for work. Although I didn’t want him to go and I’m already missing him like mad. I’ve surprised myself. Because in the lead up to him going away I felt a lot calmer, more at ease. Not full of anxiety like normal.
I think its a combination of a few things. Getting married last week. Meeting lots of his friends and workmate a few weeks ago. He’s putting even more effort and time into my children, and they are loving it and responding well, growing an even stronger bond. He and I have been talking and putting goals in to action for our present and future. Even more laugher, motivation and support.
In a way the tables have turned. Last night he made us a beautiful meal, all grown by him apart from cheese. Was a divine egg, spinach, onion and feta thing (our first eggs from our 14 new chickens affectationly named the ladies) a yummy fresh, beetroot, carrot and lettuce salad and green beans. He insisted on us all sitting at the kitchen table together for a family meal. Wonder if there was more laughing then eating happening 🙂 he was very vocal about how he loves us and will miss us. And we’ve had a lot more contact then normal.
So while I miss my darling husband I’m grateful to be feeling even more safe, secure and content in our lives, which makes him being away just a little easier.
Here’s some photos of the yummy meal he made
So proud of the work he’s putting into the yard and chooks to provide such tasty and healthy meals
The last week has finally caught up with me. I’m so happy, but emotionally drained. After getting married last week. We also sorted out after a lot of meetings, a bully at.my girls school and she’s finally picking up again. My hubby and I have been working hard on starting a small gardening business. Our next step is leasing more land. Today we spoke to a contact who immediately agreed for us to use his land, he has a few options for us and all for no money only for us to get place tidy. I was asked to be 2nd photographer at a wedding, first time.
Sad part when I’m emotionally drained I don’t sleep. So hear I am at midnight so desperate for sleep yet, all I can do is think about the amazing times we’ve had and will continue to have.
Even though I can’t sleep I’m blessed its happy thoughts rather then negative.
Sometimes we just have to take the win
A few years back I brought some Virginia tobacco seeds, most I got to was a few inches tall. I was unwell and gave up. Fast forward my hubbies really into his veggie gardens and brought me a coffee bean tree for our anniversary (complete coffee addict lol). It got me thinking.
Making sure the laws haven’t changed I decided to try again with my hubbies guidance. In nz we can legally buy seeds, grow 15kg per adult and dry and smoke it as personal use. But can’t sell the leaves or finished tobacco.
I do have a few questions if people have grown it themselves.
– I’ve heard you can get 2-6oz of finished tobacco per plant (what’s your average)
– how long does it take approx from seed to harvest (hoping to get an early and late harvest)
– what’s your beat growing, dry and curing tips
Would love to hear from fellow tobacco growers
PS I have a few reasons for wanting to at least make a good attempt at growing. Firstly I’m a heavy 100gms a week smoker, have been for coming up 20 years (not proud of that). I want to try to save our family some money as were saving to buy land and our tiny house. And I wanna stick it to the government for now charging $70 for a 50gm.
Pps please don’t tell nor ask me to give up smoking (I don’t want to) or give me sad/horror stories (seen and heard a lot) please don’t judge.
Oh n for the record I only smoke outside, never in cars or our home,
Ok so its only been a few days lol but being married rocks. I said to my mum everythings changed yet nothings changed. Its an odd statement. Everything’s changed in the sense of feeling even more content, secure, stable. Nothing’s changed in the sense of we have love, commitment, happiness. My hubby is going away in a few days for work, I don’t want him to go but I’m feeling more settled with him going. So hard trying to explain. Only thing I’ve not done is gone through our wedding photos, I’ve been awash of emotions and I know I’ll cry (happy tears). I feel tears when i see something with my new name lol Best decision I’ve ever made marrying this amazing man
As you all know I’ve been holding onto a secret the past few days. Tuesday night my sailor and I decided to bring out wedding date forward!!! To yesterday (Friday) without telling anyone
So I’m so proud and happy to announce that at 2:30pm 18 march 2016 my sailor and I got MARRIED
Lots of details to follow. We went the most unconventional way about things. And are both super happy 🙂
I’ve woken a bundle of happy nerves. So close to being able to reveal the big secret. I can’t wait. Goodlucks on our aide with a sprinkle of rain. Time to get off here before I completely spill what’s about to happen. Today’s going to be the best day ever.
7 hours 11 minutes 43 seconds until secret
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Feeling such intense emotions right now. Positive nerves, happiness, joy, love. In a situation I never imaged myself to be. I’ve realise just how far I’ve come in my mental health recovery. I’m the person who lived in constant fear, sadness, pain and suffering. Once believe I was a bad mother. No one would want me as a partner. I felt hopeless enough to attempt to take my own life not once but twice. Now three n a bit years on. My depression is gone. My anxiety at a level I can fully function. I believe in myself. I know I’m a great mama to my two precious baby’s. Though I have faults I’m confident I’m a good partner and will make a great wife.to my darling. I have hope, goals and dreams I’m making reality. I have passions and hobbies. Whilst I have some down times. I now know how to cope. A bad day doesn’t turn into a bad year. Our dream of owning land and building a tiny house is becoming a reality, we are steadily saving. We are far from well off but are becoming more comfortable financially. I wake up with a attitude of wonder of what the day will bring. Rather then wishing the day was over. I stand up for myself like I’ve never done before. I’m future driven not held back by my past. I’m a work in progress. And for the first time I can say I love the person I’ve become and have excitement to see what the next day brings. Never give up hope. Because no matter how bad it all gets you can end up flawed but happy.
Bringing such excitement but omg I’m ready to burst. I’ve seen more people in the past few days n I can’t tell anyone. I’m under the pump to get things done. But its going to be so very worth it in the end
21 hours 24 minutes 57 seconds until secret
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