Desperate for my mind to give me a break

11:20pm and while I should be asleep I’m instead over thinking tying myself in knots. Trying to work out how to help someone who does see they need it or want it. Trying to be support only to have it all thrown in my face. Weeks of hard work not acknowledged instead blamed for things I have no control over. Sometimes I hate mental health. Mine and others. When you can’t force someone to seek the help you know they desperately need. To feel powerless and to be honest useless in many ways. I’d been managing to keep my head high. But today I’ve dropped the ball maybe I need to go back to mental health. Seek more therapy. Medication. I’m running on empty. Feeling like a complete failure. Now my sleeps effected to I know I’m likely to fall back into depression. But for right now I need to vent. Fuck money, study, job hunting, getting the silent treatment, bending over backwoods for those who take it for granted. Fuck it all


6 thoughts on “Desperate for my mind to give me a break

  1. Yep. But use your experience, you know when to walk away, you know it will have an end, and you know if it is you or them. You can only do for you. Take care and protect yourself


  2. Wow. You are hurting, but know you are not alone. I’ve suffered so much with depression and bpd myself and with my children too. It’s impossible to pull up from the dark just because someone says you should. I started being great full for stupid things like a cup of good coffee or a juicy apple. I say it outloud. It helps sometimes. It helps to vent for sure. Hang in.


  3. As I read your emotion-filled diatribe waves of emotion swept over me…how can I help? What can I write? Should I say I’ve been there several times; how one of my marriages ended after three days because my wife’s sister told her all I wanted was their money (millions)? Should I recount how another marriage crashed head on into adultery involving my wife and best friend? Should I offer an electronic shoulder to cry on and spew it all out? “Hey friend…I really do understand.”
    My hope is now that you’ve vented you will set this experience aside as an exception rather than the rule. Yes, it’s not fair but now what will you do? Life is filled with unfair, self-serving behavior but how we react sets the pace for our future relationships and circumstances.
    Thanks for your vulnerability…many of us care.


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