Everyone says don’t take it personally

But how can I not 4-5 days ago he told me how much he loved me, so happy with me and felt secure. I felt on top of the world. 3 days later he didn’t think our marriage would work. How can I not take that personally. I know he’s not well. Really don’t think he can see it. Iike I said I did end up going to see our old mental health team. Their advice get him in here and if refused get him sectioned on the act. How the hell can I do that. I came home told him I’d done it because I love him, I needed him to go their with me. That I’m committed to him, love him and are so concerned. He agree he would. But still hasn’t its only been a day but he’s meant to leave for work tomorrow for 3 days. I need him to seek help today. Everyone said he didn’t leave yesterday like I thought he would. But its hanging over me is he staying or is he leaving our marriage. I need something, anything to know we’ll be ok. I know he loves me. He has told me. Bit when your new husband can’t look at you barely talking. Shutting people out. Avoiding. No affection. I can’t help but feel like the world’s most useless wife. I feel a fool, I feel confused. I’m desperate for him to seek help. I’m trying so hard. I’m trying to remember he’s sick. Remind myself that he’s a good man. That this is a blimp in the road of our lives. Yip like anyone we have issues. But for me all things that are able to be worked out. Temporary. I accept there will be ups n downs. Everyone’s telling me to hang in there. I’m trying so hard. A few weeks ago we were laying in bed. He said we were forever. I told him a million times if he married me make sure he was sure cause I would never divorce. Now all this. Everyone’s confused and concerned. I’m still keeping the house up, cooking, being a mum, studying, job hunting. I just want my husband

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16 thoughts on “Everyone says don’t take it personally

  1. He’s sick and he’s afraid and that is what is making him want to run away. You have to stay calm, calm for both of you right now. Just somehow get him to the doctors, he needs medical care. Best wishes, stay calm and stay strong. XXXXOOOO

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  2. I was married for decades to one who suffered from mental illness. I loved her with all my being. It is so difficult I don’t think those who have not been there can appreciate. Heck, I can’t even appreciate what you or others are going through despite my own experience. All I can say is this: Take care of yourself in the midst. My email is on my blog if you need someone to vent to who has been through something possibly similar.

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  3. I have a best friend (previous relationship as well) that is mentally ill, the ups and downs were confusing and devestating and also loving when that was the moment. Leaving was hard to do and making a decision it was best for us both was even harder. When you make a decision to be with a mentally ill person you take on a position that’s out of your control. Taking care of you is very important. There is a responsibility for them they can not commit to, it’s out of their control as well. Loving someone mentally ill can create mental ilness for you along the way, be careful , loving them sometimes means letting go. I’ll pray your situation turns the way you want.

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  4. I can only imagine how tough this is. I hope you are getting all the support you need. Only you will know if staying in the marriage is good for You and your kids. How much does he want to get well? Many can live full lives with mental illness, but some will never be able to. I hope your husband is open to getting all the help he can. I hope you have some amazing friend’s and supportive family. My thoughts are with you. Roland Legge

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  5. I feel you. I just went through a very similar situation with my ex. On his good days, it would feel like he was my soulmate… but on his bad days, he would want nothing to do with me. He would lash out at me, accuse me of being at fault, or even stop talking to me or anybody else when he was dealing with it. I gave him everything I had to offer, and it wasn’t enough. He didn’t see it or appreciate anything I did, even though I essentially took on his depression as my own. Long story short, he didn’t want to let me in to help him. Ultimately it’s up to your husband to decide if he wants to let you in to help him or not… in the meantime, there’s not much you can do besides assure him you’re there and that you’re not planning on going anywhere.

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  6. He does love you but he can’t help the way he is. All you can do is be there and hold on to him as much as you can. Try your best to guide him to get the help he needs. Make sure he knows how much you need him and want help him. In the end he has to make the decision to get the help…you cannot force him to get it.

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  7. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable with all of us. It is such an uncertain place and scary but you are not alone. I echo what many have said here: Take care of yourself and know you really only have control of you. I walk this same path daily as well.

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