I started this blog nearly 3 years ago. I’ve decided to share my first blog post.
Some have been with me from the beginning. So along the way. Lately there’s been a shift in me and my posts. I won’t lie I’m struggling. I was given diagnosis of boarderline personality disorder 3 years ago. I’ve suffered prenatal, reactive depressions, pstd, ocd, anxiety for my whole life. I was a self harmer, and I made two serious attempts on my life again three years ago which had me hospitalised twice. I lost the care of my children for 3 months. I lost everything, I was homeless for a short time.
But I fought for help and got it. I spent more then a year with intensive dbt group therapy, one one therapy, help of a support worker. My blog was the beginning of my recovery. My safe outlet.
I worked my way to get to where I am. I got my kids back and am a great mum. I pulled myself out of financial ruins, made a home. Meet the man of my dreams and got married.
Lately tho things have slipped I’m fighting to save my marriage. I married a good man. I married a man who has been through hell and back. Who has suffered with mental health and at the moment is struggling.
I felt my old fears surfacing. So I’m reaching out through my blog, my rant outlet. I’ve reached out to mental health, heading to the doctors today. I’m not allowing myself to sink to what I was three years ago. I don’t blame my husband for my position. Yes its contributed but I am my own person and my health and well being lays on my shoulders.
Im aware people believe I’ve slipped back to were I started. Fair from it. I’m not cutting I’m and I repeat I’m not suicidal. I’m struggling. The old me never sought help till it was to late. the new me knows when my triggers have been activated I have to act fast. So I have. I guess I just needed to let the newbies know. As it can appear I’m doing nothing to help myself. When an actual fact I’m doing everything in my power to help myself and my husband.
I’m a realist. I know what I’m at I’m seeking helping. I’m using my therapy skills and I’m going to be ok.