Breakthrough I’m relieved

Hubby and I had a real breakthrough today. I’m so grateful. Its the beginning of a long road. But its a start. We actually communicated properly for the first time in weeks. Calmly (even with tears), I feel I heard him and he heard me. We had compromises and agree to disagrees. I’m feeling emotionally drained but with hope. Serious chat but with laughs, tears and love. I feel I can breathe. Its a good feeling hearing him tell me he loves me and wants to stay and make it work. I’m learning a lot about marriage that’s for sure. But one thing I hold my vows so dear. I know we’ve both made mistakes. I’m grateful I heard him out on something’s misunderstandings which were cleared up. I am proud I stood up for myself to. Things that are non negotiable, things that are important to me. I voiced things I need from him and things I know I can compromise on. I’ve decided I’m going to need to keep doing things I need to but to ask for help so I don’t burn out. We are not out of the woods but were stepping on the same path together to find our way through. Another thing I realised its huge for me is “effort” each of us making an effort for each other and ourselves.  Even though neither of us have the answers we wish we did, we both have the same goals.

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9 thoughts on “Breakthrough I’m relieved

  1. kelzbelzphotography

    Wonderful, Phew, Phew, Phew… the biggest obstacle overcome and a new start, – beginning NOW …. well done!

    Himself and I are coming up to our 22nd wedding anniversary and believe me, we have had our fair share of ups and downs. “Real” marriages do, and it’s up to both of us to work though it. Seriously, marriage is all about the amount of work you put in.

    I *LOVE* Himself dearly, deeply, truly and forever, but that doesn’t mean to say that there are days when I don’t *LIKE* him very much. (That cuts both ways btw).

    Marriage is nothing like sitcom TV programmes, where everything is perfect and … totally fake.

    Real Marriage is Himself holding towels and standing next to me rubbing my back when I was 4 months pregnant, crying and vomiting for the 5th time in one day (“morning” sickness, that was morning, noon, and night… ugh).

    Real Marriage is letting him vent to you, at home (or in the car, or where-ever) about an unreasonable client or a bad day -you hearing the same story, or versions of it….for the 12th time… he has so much frustration to unload and you, the one he loves and trusts the most need to be his private sounding board.
    He has to know that NONE of what he says in these times gets repeated by you to a single soul. Not your best friend, sister/brother, mother… NO ONE.
    You need to be his “safe place”… someone he trusts with his secrets.

    Real Marriage is getting outside professional help when you need it… don’t leave it too long to do this, it’s easier to mend cracks in a vase than it is to piece together shattered pieces.

    Himself and I currently get professional counselling because I am dealing with a disability due to an accident, and long term chronic pain. My new situation in life affects not just me, but also my husband and kids…

    Himself and I go every month to six weeks and talk about how to handle the current obstacles and frustrations we face, to shed tears that we don’t want our kids to see, to talk about loss… (everything I can no longer do, or activities that we can no longer to together (i.e. hiking) or as a family -i.e. wheelchairs and crutches are impossible for me on the sandy beaches near where we live) and getting advice about how to handle what life has thrown at us.

    Even if you can get you husband to attend ONE session, you might find that he sees the benefits and you might get tips on how to communication that you hadn’t thought of that really help.

    Even without counselling, I think of one thing that I heard once and remember often:… There is a piece of blank white paper with a tiny black dot in the centre of it. A group of students were asked what they saw, all replied ” a black dot”. The professor asked ” do none of you see the huge area of white paper?” The point is that if we concentrate on one miniscule fault or wrongdoing (the tiny black dot), then we are in danger of overlooking all of the good points about a person (the white paper). It certainly helps put things in perspective.

    If you want a long marriage you have to invest in it. I heard a quote once: each partner has to give 51%. Also don’t expect “instant” results, some things take time, effort, work, and more time.
    Marriage is like a building project that is never finished… what you build together can be quirky, fun, and happy… but understand that it will never be perfect, and you can never expect it to be.

    Human beings are involved after all πŸ™‚

    Here’s to a clean slate and a fresh start… all you need to do now is to work on it every single day for the rest of your lives πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Relieved here! I am not reading blogs much lately with much going on, but have been watching yours just to see this post. No guarantees of easy, but you are on the path and working together! Great strides made! Keep on keeping on!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. As I experienced it, communication, listening and being willing to understand ist the most important factor to make a relationship work. When it is love, there is always a way!

    Like

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