I know there’s marriage for love, convenience, arranged etc. But what was you reason? Its been on my mind a lot.
I have reasons that I married my husband. Some I I have no idea how to express or comprehend. I’d never wanted marriage, believed it wouldn’t happen in my life. But meeting sailor he touched me deeply in ways I could never have imagined. Suddenly I found myself simply knowing this man was the one I wanted for life. When he proposed on two different occasions I said yes immediately both times. Getting married I was nervous but zero doubts, I know with every part of me it was right.
I remember we had been together a month or so and he’d gone out and come back with a present. It was a gift that made me almost cry. It was art pencils, and rubber. Simple you might say but the best gift. He believed and supported my art. He inspired and pushed me to explore different things. And when I doubted myself he encouraged me.
One night I had a nightmare (I have them most nights) but this night I was terrified. He woke held me so tight, kissed my head and said “I’m here, your safe I’ll protect you”.
He made me laugh to distract me from anxiety attacks. He was able to be vulnerable and open. He was as he said ” able to be weird” with me.
He is amazing with my children.
One night I was hungry (I’m not a big eater) so I sat on the bench in the kitchen while he made and feed me pancakes, laughing joking full of love.
He provides not only in the financial sense bit in all ways.
I admire him and love him so deeply.
I’ve really wondered lately with all that’s happening. Why he married me. Why he could say he doesn’t think we’ll work. He still here, but for how long I don’t know.
Last night I was really struggling so I contacted my mum to look after my children for the night. I had to put my needs above my kids and sailor. I needed to not be responsible for a day. I needed to breathe. I had all these ideas on spending time with hubby. But couldn’t face rejection. So kept quite
Then he surprised me by asking if I wanted to watch a movie with him. Instant tears and a yes from me. And its just what I needed. No words just being together.
Yesterday I’d told him I missed him. He replied he missed me to. After one I said I missed his laugh. With a sadness in his eyes he replied I do to.
Its always been the simple things that are most powerful with us. The action. I’m preparing myself for when he ends up leaving. I just hope he knows that what ever he decides. He has a wife who he touched deeply and turn my world into something amazing. That I’ll forever be grateful, a love like this comes but once.