Week 1 of fulltime study complete :)

I’ve done it week 1 and we all survived. I’m feeling proud. Of myself for starting and managing my anxiety. Of my husband who is really supporting me with study, home and picking kids up. Of my kids for doing their jobs and my girl even made dinner one night.

They’re making it possible. Many will know I have ocd and heck I didn’t vacuum for a week and wow the house didn’t fall apart cause of it. I’ve manage to keep on top of my family, home and me. 

I’m so happy I didn’t give into fear and am doing it. Bettering myself and our family. I’m tired bit excited.

So much to catch up on here

But today some good news. I started my cafe service course, where I not only get my brista (should learn out to spell it haha) food safety, first aid, work experience with awesome chefs, in a commercial kitchen plus my certificate at the end. 

I went in excited but nervous. Progress though I stayed and didn’t once think of backing out. I had everything I needed and was positive. We went through orientation then after our break headed straight to the kitchen and I made these berry white chocolate muffins 

I’m super excited as I’m a hands I learner, I get to learn front of house and back of house, incuding lots of cooking.

Got home and my awesome hubby had picked my girl up. I was able to bring the muffins home and they were so excited for their treat. Sailor described them as beyond amazing n my girl going quiet enjoying them (the girls never quiet lol) my boy arrived home from school and his facial expressions were priceless. 

I cooked a yum dinner and sailor surprised my by doing the dishes, while kids did jobs and I did washing. Its a huge thing while study for me to take care of home my hubby n kids, but the help is mind blowing. Pure team work. And to hear my hubby sayhes proud of me and impressed of me just made my day.

I realised this morning on the way to course that its 14 years ago whilst pregnant at 17 with my son that I promised myself one day I’d study and today I made that dream happen.

Goodbye my superman

​so I found out today my poppa (on fathers) died a week ago and his funeral last Friday (only found out because an aunty on my mums side saw it in the paper). No one told me. It went as far as being hidden from my fathers best friend of 30+ years so I wouldn’t be told. Finally discovered the reason was because I didn’t tell them the date I was getting married only after (none else know because we decided to pull it forward n got married in the courthouse two days later, as we saving for a home n didn’t want the huge cost no one included and no one excluded) so gutted i can’t say goodbye. And nor can my two children. I’m shocked they’re so angry all coz I’m happy. Rung the funeral home he wasn’t buried but was cremated. No where for me to go and say goodbye to our superman

My baby has started a business at 7

And I couldn’t be more proud. My hubby is starting a gardening business and thought be a great idea if my kids started their own to. So my son started potatoes and so yummy had the first lot with dinner. Then he suggested a strawberry business for my girl. So since December last year when she came home with a strawberry plant she’d grown she’s been talking about it. 

Started by selling some of her old toys making $63.50 so we opened her a bank account and started the discussion of adding to the 20 strawberry plants we gifted her. She was very clear she wanted to buy 30 more. So we discussed her waiting for sales for the best deals, investing her money into buying them. Whilst talking about it she started discussing how and where to sell them. She has told everyone she’s come in contact with about it getting promises they’d buy from her come Christmas time. She wants to make a sign and take a table to the beach and sell them also the local market. She wants to sell fresh, strawberry lollies (made in the dehydrator) and strawberry jam. So we said as long as she has the money to buy sugar I’ll help her make it all. 

Today she went to the bank talked to the teller. Saying excuse me may I have my $50 I need to invest in my strawberry business and buy 30 plants. Then went to the local store and brought her babies. Everyone is shocked and excited for her. 

So offically she started “strawberry runners” the name she picked for herself. Never expected her to still want it so bad. Her maths is improving. She’s learning about gardening and how to store food, and cook. She’s learning about money, savings and investing. And most of all her confidence is rapidly climbing. She’s o excited and were all so proud

Follow on from my last post

We had our winz appointment and managed to get our benefit back on and paid. We got a new person while it was a super long appointment he was good. Made sure to get absolutely everything sorted. Getting paid was such a relief. And even better hubby and I supported each other through it. 

As a few know I’m studying atm. I start the next course in less then 2 weeks. Part of getting it paid on student loan you get $1000 course related costs. So now bills are paid etc. I went and purchased a new laptop. Yay for me lol I had a 10″ inch slow netbook for 4 years. Now I have a brand spanking new 15.6inch screen. Upgraded to 4gb ram n 500gb storage. Perfect for study. And to watch movies with my hubby. Only $549 saving a few hundred.

I’m not a material person I don’t spend on myself so I’m feeling like a kid on christmas. 

When the government has the power to suspend your benefit

And you start your week with no money its difficult to say the least. Rewind. In nz we have a pretty good benefit system. Hubby and I are both under medical certs. We get a small amount of money weekly bit enough to jut live. Normally I’m grateful to receive this.

A few weeks back I had an appointment to try to do our yearly review, the lady booked a second appointment and said hubby had to attend but I was not required to, no forms etc. So he went to the appointment and was sent home with forms for us both to fill out. And yet another appointment. Despite the two meetings we nothing was done they booked us a third for after our benefit would be suspended. 

So here I am sitting here in a anxiety attack because our appointment isn’t to tomorrow and we would have normally been paid and we haven’t. I know something will be sorted but no know how or when is spiralling me down. My husband doesn’t cope with these meetings, panic attacks not able to function even tho he tries. So in a way it gets left to me to deal with. I’m normally grateful but when weve done everything asked and we still hit brick walls. To go against a huge place like welfare it an up hill battle. Is it so wrong to need food, rent, and power? Is it so wrong to want them to accept our medical certs. Since we’ve been married and gone legal we have had nothing but cut backs (lost $180 a week) rent rises, I’m studying to try to get a job after being knocked back by many I’ve applied for because of my lack of experience, or education. We’ve cut costs on everything, actively cut done on smokes. Grow our own veg. Trade our eggs for fruit. I make everything from scratch. Saving on petrol and power. We don’t drink, go out, no movies, no treats for the kids. What more can we do

In 24 hours we’ll know but my god when your anxiety is through the roof 24 hours feels like a life time.

Life’s been hectic

Overall good but busy. School holidays, meetings, my class work, planning for my hubby to go away twice in the next few weeks. My mums and my birthday coming up, school holiday programmes. Trying to get our finances under control, and having no incoming money this week. Me trying to complete my 42 week course in 8-10weeks. And start my next course at the end of the month it’s full time 4 full days on top of homework. Taking care of a home, two kids working part time, my hubby. Today I had high anxiety, nothing happened but I feel stressed and drained beyond belief. I’m grateful the days nearly over and the fact my hubby has done little things all day to make life a little easier. 

Looking at the positives

I know I was negative for awhile there. Times are still hard. But my sailor and I are both making effort to better well save our marriage. So far so good. I think we’ve both looked at what each others needs are and working towards them as well as our own. For him my smoking or the amount of money I spend on smoking is a huge deal. So I’ve compromised and working my way to not giving up but cutting g down. I’m trying to listen without inruption so he feels heard and supported. In turn he’s actively supporting my work study and cutting down smoking. Making changes helping more with the house and cooking like he did in the past and setting his alarm to remember important things like picking my girl up, appointments etc.

For me words are only worth something if they match the actions and I believe we are both putting the hard yards.