I wish I didn’t understand

Mental illness cause then I wouldn’t know the pain sailors in, the despair, hopeless feeling. Then I wouldn’t have understanding of why exaclt 3 days ago my hun left me with still no word. Im so relieved and proud he’s getting help, I admire him for it because I’ve been there myself n know the strength he needed to do that. But part of me wish he’d reached out to me his wife. The women who loves him. Who has his back. The person despite the pain I’m feeling, and the guilt, the sadness, the anger, I’m still more concerned about him then anything. No word for 3 days, the vision of him taking off the wedding ring I made him, watching him over 2 1/2 hours pack his stuff, begging him to stay, watching him leave then watching him drive out of town. Knowing that while he’s safe he still hasn’t reached out. Still no idea if he wants to be with me. Now not coming up online. No words not nothing. Everyone including his best friend n his best friends wife have said its not my fault, he’s sick, but how do I not take it personally when I’m the one he left, my children are the ones he left. I’m still taking care of his gardens, our chickens, holding the fort. Looking around our home unable to take the photos down yet unable to look at them. Seeing the empty places from where his things use to be and the stuff he still has here. And most of all the empty feeling I have in me when all I want is my husband


9 thoughts on “I wish I didn’t understand

  1. pray for him while you work. wait for his therapy to take effect and healing to renew his outlook. be patient. he obviously needed professional attention, and consider that he did not wish to jeopardize your health by expecting you to be his therapist. he might not have had the words to say what was happening. be there as his best friend and wait for him till he can find the words.


  2. I think it is impossible to understand at this point! I admire you for how much love and therefore tolerance you are holding inside. I pray that as soon as possible you will get a response that calms you!


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