It’s Christmas eve here.

Its dawned on me I never thought I’d have another Christmas eve alone. Kids are tucked up in bed. Presents wrapped ready to go under the tree. I’m sitting here with a coffee b ciggy listening to the waves. This time last year me and my hubby were curled up on the couch Christmas lights going him laughing about me sneaking stockings into the kids rooms without them waking (he’s never been able to experience it with his kids). We talked n cuddled as hind sight was one of the most magical moments. Because he can’t stand Christmas. But for that moment in time nothing and no one else matter. Just him and I. Now I know I took it for granted that he’d always been here. By my side. Today I’ve baked and cooked, cleaned and hung out at home with my kids. Making there favourite things. Bringing them the Christmas joy. Then I dropped a pot of potato salad lost half. As I did it I cut my finger. I sunk to the floor in front my my children and cried. Just cried. Guessing your wondering the big deal its only a salad. Well I’d made it for my  son his favourite. I haven’t got much money and I’d made enough for him to have for a few days. In that moment everything came crashing unfair everything is. The salad became more then a salad and my world crumbled. How unfair it is that my kids don’t have their sailor. My hubby is gone. That he’s alone on Christmas when he should be with family. That he can’t see his 3 girls n grandchild. That mental health is breaking him and our family so much. That we have very little money. That our kindness has been take advantage of so much lately. So please go give your husband/wife/partner and kids a big hug tell them how much you love and appreciate grateful you are for them being in your lives. Because I don’t want any of you to go through the pain and heartache my family is right. Look at them. Really look at them. Embrace them like there’s no tomorrow. 


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