First Christmas as husband and wife

And we’re apart. I’ve managed to hold it together today, my kids have had a good Christmas despite everything going on. Its taking me everything in my power to not go straight over to the hospital to see him. A few weeks ago he asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I mumbled I don’t know I’m not into material things. I wish I’d just said the kids and him with me. I know a lot don’t agree with me or how I’m going about things. Here I can truly say how I’m feeling and to be honest Im going to scream if I hear “hospital is taking care of him don’t worry” ” he’s an arsehole” “that I’m making excuses for him” etc. Marriage is about love and commitment. Not ya spouse is unwell so abandon them. If you’ve ever been suicidal you’ll understand where he’s at. You’ll know that in the mind of a lot of mentally unwell people they push people away because they’re better off without you. In your mind your protecting them. I know cause I did just this. I had no idea what I’d put people through now I do. Its a helpless feeling. You take on guilt and blame. You think about all the signs. All the time you desperately sort help for the person and weren’t heard. You think of what you could’ve done to help them and make them happier. To feel less alone in a scray place. You don’t stop worrying every moment of everyday because you love that person. You want the best for them. You want them safe. You want them home. You want to hold them so tight they hurt so they feel you really feel you. You want to never let go. You want to take their pain as your own. But you stay at home you take care of the home, the gardens, the kids, the financial. You still study, work, shower, attempt to sleep. You hold on to hope for dear life because when your life’s in limbo you do what it takes to be strong for your husband, kids and yourself. So if you ever come across someone in mine and my families position. Hear them, simply hear them. Don’t tell them to leave, to stop worrying. Tell them they’re supportive and loyal. Tell them its all going to be ok even if you don’t know it will. Help that person help themselves. Put yourself in their shoes and realise flipen of the shoulder comments can do more harm then good. And hope if your ever in this situation that you’ll get the same because unless you’ve been there you just don’t know what you’d do

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2 thoughts on “First Christmas as husband and wife

  1. First of all, late Merry Christmas. Hope you and Sailor will work everything out. Praying for him to get better. I can say I know what you are going through, and there will be a time, day, it will seem so long ago that all of this happened. 2017 blessings for all of you ❤

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