I feel I’m over doing it on here but its helping release something. A few things have happened tonight. Firstly I have to spoly for the solo parents benefit and it crushed me having to say I’m separated from my hubby. I hate it. I didn’t want to do it because I want him and love him and I feel like I’m betraying him by doing it. Even though I have to so I can provide for the kids and keep our home going so I don’t have to deal with financial pressure on top of everything else.
As you know yesterday I went to see my hubby at the hospital, I knew he wouldn’t aeet me and I was right. But I had to try. Then decided I’d leave him be until Friday (I don’t know why I picked that day) not contacting him today was so hard.
My mum had to go to the hospital to see someone else and I asked her to look for his truck. She text to say she couldn’t find it. When I rung she told me she went to see him. She explained to his nurse that she would be shocked if he did but wanted him to know we care and love him. The nurse went to speak to him and he’d said no he doesn’t want to see anyone. She was great. Mum explained we didn’t know weather to contact him or not cause we didn’t want to make things worse and trigger him. But we need him to kbow we’re here. The nurse responded that we had the right attitude and that he knows we love him n care and it is making a difference. Omg these words were all Ineeded to hear. That is is making a difference and its not triggering him. I cried with relief. Mum said she will be back and the nurse replied he’s still got a long way to go. We are hoping that means he’ll be staying in a lot longer to keep getting the help he needs n deserves. So right now I’m going to allow myself to relax and breathe knowing for another night my beautiful husband is safe. Its given me hope. And all I could think was baby hold on pain ends hope hubby hope just hold on. Keep fighting my darling I will be your strength while you are down. As much as I’m hurting and uncertain in limbo. I kbow 100% I love my husband and my kids and that’s what I have to hold onto