The night before my husband walked out he slept downstairs. I woke in the morning and asked him why. He yelled “cause I don’t want to be here” I responded well if you don’t want to be here why don’t you leave. He took it as I kicked him out. I didn’t. I didn’t want him to leave. I’ve been thinking since I’ve found out that day he was suicidal that maybe I took it wrong. Maybe he was trying to get me to hear him.
I can’t help but wonder. Did he have a break down and leave me to protect me. Or he actually leave me and it caused his breakdown. I’m so lost and confused. Right now I’m hurting hes more gone 25 days. With not contact. He told his doctors he didn’t want to see me and he didn’t want me having information. He has ignored every text, call and attempt from me to support him. I feel I justified this because he’s had no contact with others including his friends. But maybe I’ve been wrong all along. I truly feel I failed him as his wife. I missed so many warning signs. When I did try to get him help it made him worse and then finally 25 days ago he had enough. Just had it. Shouldn’t a husband want to reach out to his wife in his time of need. But he hasn’t instead he’s shut me out. Maybe he’s protecting himself from me not the other way around.
I should’ve left him be back when I first told him I had feelings for him. Why is it that every relationship every friendship I am involved in is no longer there. I’m the only common factor. I don’t blame him for going I guess I’m only shocked it didn’t happen sooner. He deserves so much better and more.
Now I sit here alone with no one to blame but myself for believing I could have my happily ever after, instead I gave my husband a nightmare and now he’s fighting to keep himself alive and I only make it worse by contacting him and triggering him. I never thought I could be the trigger for someone wanting to die