2017 Day 11

What positives. Today my son has been with drawn, my daughter finally lost it begging me to bring her sailor home. I got to my mums she’s upset cause her friend died. Then she let me know tonight a family friend died, just  months after her husband. They’d both been in my life from when I was a baby.

I had my first appointment with a physiotherapist. She was good but could only recommend I keep up with my dbt skills. She had no idea how to help me.

I also had my first appointment with a organisation which helps support people of those who have a loved one with mental health issues. They were great they heard me but that’s where it stopped. They have said I have done everything in my power to help my husband. I’d visited or called every possible person and organisation there is to call. They agree I’ve been treated badly, that the system is flawed. They are going to try to speak to his key worker but are not expecting a positive outcome. Even though they agree after 3 and a half weeks I need to be told more details. To what Hubby’s plans are so I can either keep holding on or let my husband go. I should’ve been aloud to speak with his doctors, been at his discharge meeting at least to show support. That the support worker shouldn’t have had my husband so close that I saw him on Friday. They said it was cruel. They also said that I should be given warning should my husband cone to get his truck so they I have they option weather the kids and I are home. And so I’m not put through anymore anxiety should he just turn up.

So all in all I feel like I’m a complete failed my husband. That I should’ve pushed harder in the months leading to his breakdown. That I should’ve put things in place. That I should’ve heard him when he desperately need me to. What a fucken fuck up of a wife. I hate the mental health system who should’ve listened months ago and helped him before our marriage feel apart. What a cruel world never ending heart ache. Despite doing everything and more then most people would. I’m sick of hearing have patience’s, hope, faith. What the fucka the point


5 thoughts on “2017 Day 11

  1. Well first stop blaming yourself. You are not a f-up. You are a woman who wants so desperately to make things work that you didn’t see. Is that a bad thing? No it is not. Stop blaming yourself…all the could’ve, should’ve, would’ve is not going to change anything except make you more miserable and send you spiraling down to a place you might not be able to come back from. Your husband is getting the help he needs. YOU HAVE NOT FAILED YOUR HUSBAND!! I know it’s hard to see right now but you have not. You have to accept that he is there getting help and he will come back. I can’t believe that he does not love you. I believe he is trying to get better but he knows if he is around that at this moment worse things could happen. Just give him time. Please get help for yourself as you need it too

    Liked by 1 person

  2. you are not a fuck up. dont blame yourself. from what i am reading you did everything you could. it isnt your fault that he had a break down. you need to take care of you and your kids now. the hospital and mental health workers will take care of him. hugs. xxx


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