How do I just wait in limbo

I have two options

-wait. Nearly a month of patience, waiting, supporting, trying, loving, hoping. No contact. 

-trying to move on. Removing photos, packing my husband’s stuff he left behind, having someone take his truck. And figure out how the hell to navigate this shitty path

If I wait, I have to see everything around my house of his, I have anxiety waiting for him to randomly turn up to get his truck or things out of it. That other option giving up on what I want 

If I leave things as is I have to see everything thing. And he prop won’t come back. Bit if I pack up and he comes back he’ll thing I don’t want him. How do I make the decision that no one knows what I should do. 
Its really easy for people to tell me not to blame myself, not to take rejection personally, to hope, have faith. Reality I don’t know weather he and I are still together or separated. No one knows if he doesn’t want to be with me or if he does. I love this man so deep and fact I know nothing. Do you know what its like to not have any response to you contact for a month. Yes my husband is sick. Yes I want to stand by him. Yes I want him home. Yes it’ll take work. No I don’t know how he feels. No I don’t kbow if he wants to be with me. No I don’t know if he still loves me. 

I have held my shit together. I have try to keep strong. If he wasn’t mentally unwell I have properly end it. But he is sick and I don’t have any answers. I don’t know how to do all this. When even the professionals don’t know what to advise me to do. At the end of they day no one but me have to lay in bed alone and try to sleep desperately wanting to do the right thing by my husband and my kids. No one else has to comfort my kids through this. I’ve not had a break on a few months. School holidays we half way through 7 week Summer school break. No one else has had to deal with no money at Christmastime because you have no rights as a wife and you husbands doctors refuse to send there paper work to keep money coming in. To worry where your husband’s truck full of his belongings is gone for weeks and when you find it discover he has had nothing with him not even clothes. Knowing he has no money for even the basics. To wonder if every text, phone call or knock at the door is a cop telling you your husband is dead. No one knows the depths of your pain trying to keep my own mental health under control. To go to docs, therapy everything for yourself and no advice beyond do what your doing.

Do I not deserve to k ow my husband is alive. Do I not deserve to kbow if my marriage is over. Do I not deserve answers

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10 thoughts on “How do I just wait in limbo

  1. Yes you deserve answers. I’m confused. Is he in the hospital? He went for help, where is he staying?
    I guarantee you, that he has food and shelter or he’d be there getting stuff.
    More than anything you need finances. You may need to talk to a lawyer, you have to have funds, you have to know how to proceed with life. Tough choices.
    xo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Think of what you need and your children. He’s gone and you must move forward for yourself and your kids !!! Your need and your kids needs is all that you need to worry about. He’s not worried about you or those kids and I don’t care if he’s ill. Let someone else deal with that. You should only deal with your needs and your kids needs. Who worries about you guys ??? You are the only one who can save yourself and your kids. I’ll be praying, Blessings ❤

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    • I’m sorry but if your hubby had cancer or an accident would you just let some one else deal with you husband? I am 100% thinking of my kids and myself but also my husband. Having been where he is I have an understanding of where he’s at mental health is complex and when my husband left the was extremely unwell and fighting to stay alive he sort immediate help and has been in hospital and services since. I admire him for doing this and won’t give up. I can see where your coming from

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      • I too know personally what you are going through… I also know the best thing you can do for your husband is keep yourself and your children well. He will only help himself when he is ready to. Nothing you are going to do will change the process… You should know that. Life is cruel and the choices we have to make for ourselves can also be cruel but necessary for your survival and your children’s survival .., Praying for your family 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻. Blessings

        Liked by 1 person

      • Now that I 100% agree with you on. Yup right now I have to put mine n kids first. And I have to trust that his team is taking care of him. Yup in the cruel world there’s so much uncertainty. I’ve now got his team once a day letting me know hes still seeking treatment and is ok (most they can tell me). And its given me breathing space to continue supporting my kids and and getting my support networks in place. I know I have to carrying on and as much fix him I know its up to him to do it. I’m sorry if I appeared rude with my last comment. I do know where your coming from but tend to get defensive.

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      • No worries sweetie 🌷❤️🌷❤️. You have enough to worry about. You are strong and God is watching from a distance… Tough times don’t last, tough people do. I wish I could do more to help, just know you’ll get through this ❤️❤️

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