I have two options
-wait. Nearly a month of patience, waiting, supporting, trying, loving, hoping. No contact.
-trying to move on. Removing photos, packing my husband’s stuff he left behind, having someone take his truck. And figure out how the hell to navigate this shitty path
If I wait, I have to see everything around my house of his, I have anxiety waiting for him to randomly turn up to get his truck or things out of it. That other option giving up on what I want
If I leave things as is I have to see everything thing. And he prop won’t come back. Bit if I pack up and he comes back he’ll thing I don’t want him. How do I make the decision that no one knows what I should do.
Its really easy for people to tell me not to blame myself, not to take rejection personally, to hope, have faith. Reality I don’t know weather he and I are still together or separated. No one knows if he doesn’t want to be with me or if he does. I love this man so deep and fact I know nothing. Do you know what its like to not have any response to you contact for a month. Yes my husband is sick. Yes I want to stand by him. Yes I want him home. Yes it’ll take work. No I don’t know how he feels. No I don’t kbow if he wants to be with me. No I don’t know if he still loves me.
I have held my shit together. I have try to keep strong. If he wasn’t mentally unwell I have properly end it. But he is sick and I don’t have any answers. I don’t know how to do all this. When even the professionals don’t know what to advise me to do. At the end of they day no one but me have to lay in bed alone and try to sleep desperately wanting to do the right thing by my husband and my kids. No one else has to comfort my kids through this. I’ve not had a break on a few months. School holidays we half way through 7 week Summer school break. No one else has had to deal with no money at Christmastime because you have no rights as a wife and you husbands doctors refuse to send there paper work to keep money coming in. To worry where your husband’s truck full of his belongings is gone for weeks and when you find it discover he has had nothing with him not even clothes. Knowing he has no money for even the basics. To wonder if every text, phone call or knock at the door is a cop telling you your husband is dead. No one knows the depths of your pain trying to keep my own mental health under control. To go to docs, therapy everything for yourself and no advice beyond do what your doing.
Do I not deserve to k ow my husband is alive. Do I not deserve to kbow if my marriage is over. Do I not deserve answers