My 14 year old has completely withdrawn into himself and his gaming. He’s moody and struggling. Not his normal at all. Won’t talk about sailor.
My 7 year old just came to talk to me. She’s wise beyond her years yet so young and innocent. She misses her giggle fart. His cuddles. Watching movies. She said she misses the builder man, gardener man, the funny man. She wants her sailor home the happy one. She doesn’t miss the angry or sad sailor. She wants to fix things. She asked if he was still at his safe house. And I told her he was away for work. She’s pissed she doesn’t think he’s safe there and wants to make him come back. His birthday is 2 weeks after hers we started a tradition on birthdays of the person can pick their fav chips, choc and fizzy. She’s asked me to buy his still. She’s written him letters.
And I’m sitting here trying to bring myself to end things and block him online. Not because I want to I want him home. But trying to be real that after 5 weeks of no answers I have to prepare to move on with my life. If he’s not coming back he has to move his stuff out because seeing it is breaking me. I don’t believe in divorce. If he was violent or cheated I would bit otherwise its not something I believe in. This is way I was anti marriage. I didn’t want me or sailor to go through this. I wish he would properly help himself. To heal. But to be honest I don’t know what his recovery is. I do feel rejected and abandoned. I’m angry at the situation. I’m wishing he and I never suffered from mental illness. I can’t bring myself to make the decisions. Yet feel I have to. Cruel world I’m facing