I always believe to trust your gut. Stuff ya head and heart go with the gut. Well my guts saying hold on, my hearts saying you love him and your vows and my heads trying to convince both to move on.
Its not that simple moving on. Especially when his truck and belongings are all still here. There’s no where to take these to. And with no contact I’ve had no luck in having them picked up. I’m not heartless nor a bitch I won’t just dump it or get rid of it. I’ve removed some photos but its not helped.
I’ve spent the day using my dbt skills, distraction by cleaning the house. Opposite action, when I wanted to curl up in a ball and instead went for a coffee at my mums. I’m trying radical acceptance, trying to accept he’s gone and not coming back. But my hearts not in it. One minute I’m ok the next I’m a mess. I’m fighting to bring my mood n energy levels up, even ate a little more even tho I feel sick. My sciatic nerves been getting worse over the last few weeks n really bad today. Sadly I’m use to my sailor knowing how to help it especially because he’s trained.
Despite all this I thought I got this shit. Then another of sailors mates contacted me. She’s shocked that nothing’s changed. He’s not contacted her or her hubby either. I told her I just have to accept he’s not coming back. With that she said she’d contact his boss/mate I tried to put her off, then she decided she’d try to contact sailor.
And bam all that work was wasted because my hopes went right back up. Then after a few hours anxiety set in and then disappointment when I didn’t hear from her.
I want hope but I want people to butt out. But I want people to try help. No one is winning I get that. I’m confused. My feelings are overwhelmed. My heads all over the place.