Yesterday we had our annual family picnic at the river. Didn’t want to attend but took the kids anyways. They enjoyed it which is what counts. Was hard though because sailor was missed. A lot of the family know they rest don’t. They were trying to figure out what to even say to me making it awkward.
Tomorrow is my girls birthday so I’ve organised a small party for her today. I’m trying so hard to be upbeat and motivated. She deserves so much. More then i feel I’ve been able to give her. She asked for no party or presents just to have sailor here.
So bitter sweet really. I’m wanting the best for her but can’t give her the one thing I want to.