No choice its over for good

​Some.of you know my story with my husband. Today I reached my limit. 2 days ago my mum told me she had cancer. I reached out to hubby on fb. This morning he read the message but didn’t respond. I’d also been told he told his boss this part of his life was finished and he wouldn’t talk about it. Also he was back in our area. I spent so much of the day playing detective trying to find him.
Then I realised I’d hit a brick wall I’d tried everything to save our 9 month marriage. So I messaged him ending it. 
I already regret it bit have to stick to my decision. I feel like I’ve let him down in so many ways. We had a great relationship with ups n downs. He told me last year he never wanted his mental health to ruin us and now it has I pushed for 7 weeks and now I’m a broken mess. I feel like a complete failier who stills married for only 9 months. I now have his last name a constant reminder which I can’t undo. I hate this. That being pushed so far to have to end it. I don’t know what to do next. Nothing makes sense anymore. I hate mental health.

Also now I have to figure out what to do with all his stuff. Truck bike tools, how to transform the yard back from massive gardens to lawn. Why did this have to happen. Why couldn’t he just let me be there while he got help. 

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5 thoughts on “No choice its over for good

  1. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. That he read the message and didn’t reply is a shame but at the same time, I think social media can be tricky at times. Mental health makes people behave in certain ways and that isn’t a reflection on you. Eventually it’ll hurt less and you’ll be able to move on. Don’t look at it as failure but as a chapter in your life. It may be closed now, but who knows, one day it may open.

    I’m also sorry for what your mother is going through. I wish her a speedy recovery, God willing.

    -hugs

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  2. I know this hurts and I feel your pain. Take it one day at a time and do not feel like you have to rush into making decisions. Breathe. This too shall pass, you will see. In the mean time, be there for your mom. I also pray for her recovery and for your peace of mind and healing for your heart.

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  3. I’m not going to say your better off because I know you don’t feel that way. Just know in the end it will come together the way it should. This is not the end even though it feels that way. This is just you being tired of waiting for something that at this moment he cannot give, if he ever will be. Right now you have so much on your plate…yourself, your Mom, your kids….it’s time to let go of one of your burdens so you can reevaluate your own self to be able to cope with everything else. I hope your mom has a quick recovery and you all are in my thoughts.

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  4. Take care of yourself. You reached the point where you felt you had make this decision. Who knows–maybe you’ll want to keep the gardens, as a symbol that growth and health can come from the experience of this marriage. Maybe not. Only you can know.
    I’m decades out from my divorce from a good man I loved but couldn’t stay married to, and I don’t regret either the joy and love we shared or the painful decision to end it.

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  5. I am so, so sorry to learn of your mum’s cancer diagnosis and the underlying health issues which make even a small tumor more frightening. I will be praying for her…Meanwhile, I am still keeping you in my prayers during this stormy journey to healing for you, for your kids and for sailor…and for the jobs around the garden that are ahead of you…my heart breaks for what has happened in your life in recent weeks…praying all good provision for your needs, and many mercies every day… ❤

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