Trying to move forward

But every step forward sends me back 10. I’m not contacting my sailor. Can’t refer to him as any but my husband. I’m trying to distract myself. I got angry last night because I had to finally deal with the gardens but it was only moments and it was quickly replaced as well at least he knows I’m trying to take care of stuff. Been trying to find some where to keep his truck so I don’t have to see it and I haven’t the heart to sell it. We have chickens and I’ve finally put them up for rehoming. Quickly I had someone say they’ll take them n pick them up tomorrow. Then I broke down in tears because one side I’m taking a little pressure of cause they take a lot of work but the other side of me feels like I should be keeping them because they are ours. And a big part of the start of our goals to buy land and build our tiny house. I feel I’m letting him down. I’m meant to be starting my chef studies in just over a week yet I can’t seem to find my passion. Again it was my dream but it was a huge step towards our dreams to. Days are getting longer and harder despite trying to look forward. And more then anything I’m still hoping he’ll get well make contact and come home to me. Its a case that I wish my memory and recall was shit so I couldn’t remember all the little and big things that we had. 


3 thoughts on “Trying to move forward

  1. So very hard. Try to find little ways that during the day you can do something just for you. Five minutes reading a favorite book, a long hot shower with special soap. It’s tough.


  2. Before you met him, you were you, an individual with dreams and passions. Take care of you!

    I became a single mom out of the blue when our daughter was only one and he left for his secretary. I thought of us as a family and grieved the loss of that even longer than I mourned the loss of him. My pride kept me from begging him to return. It took finally nurturing myself to feel complete whether with or without anyone.

    You are a fantastic photographer and a sharp writer.
    I’m sure I’ve overstepped boundaries here.
    I remember the pain and feel for anyone going through it.
    Hoping for peaceful days to come your way,


    • I agree he also pushed me in a lot of ways so even more focused on dreams. Sorry you went through that. I always said I could live without him but don’t want to. So many things happening in my life don’t really know anything right now. Nothing’s normal anymore

      Liked by 1 person

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