My moods are like a roller coaster

Earlier my son when to give me a hug good night. He’s goes nah mum a proper big hug. He’s a kid who is sweet at 14 he still give me a hug and I love yous countless times a day, before he leaves the house, when he get home, bedtime etc. But it was different.  I said to him whats gotten into you bub and he goes mum I’m happy your happy. When your sad we’re sad. I melted and felt grateful I have such a good teen.

Spoke to my mama she’d had a good day. Rung my best mate and she was happy n we organise us going to dinner at hers tomorrow night.

I had a great but tiring day at school. I’ve realised I’m a lot more knowledgeable about food then I realised, I’m answer questions. I felt like I was asking stupid questions but my chef/tutor was impressed by what I was asking and said so. We were in the kitchen for the first time and I felt I’d come home. We are on real basics today but it brought me confidence.

I picked my baby up from after school care and said don’t forget mum I’m cooking tonight. The teachers looked at me like I was mad when I replied sweet as bub as long as you put dinner on as soon as you get home. She’s 8 and loves cooking helping. She made her tuna rice dinner by her self and proudly dished it up to her brother.

I didn’t hear from my hubby today. Its a catch 22. Because part of me was algood about it, because he needs to get well. Part of me was wanting to text him all day about different things. Like in class we were talking about different bacteria etc and I knew the terms and lots about it cause my hubby spoke of it often. Heck I just want to tell him I’m studying again that I did go back. The other part is frustrating. I have a day off tomorrow and want to text n see if he wants to meet. But I won’t because I made a deal with myself I could text him for his birthday but the next contact had to be from him reaching out. I need to know even with the progress that he wants to fight for me to. Silly I know but I won’t be the only one fighting all the time. 

Now as I lay here I realise just how big this week has been and I’m feeling drained. So many positives have happen after weeks of hell. I’m tired but not. My body hurts but it shows I’ve been working hard. 

I’m feeling right at this moment sad. Because I want to see my sailor and just curl up with his arms around me and sleep. 

My roller coaster moods are challenging as I’m trying to be up beat in front of everyone. Feels quite lonely


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