1:27am and my heads spinnig

Everything from my husbands mental health and being away from our home, to finding him being in contact. To mums breast cancer and her upcoming surgery to have both breasts removed and likely cemo. To my school loving it but its super intense. To trying to be a good mum to my kids. To the lump mY doc found in my breast and waiting on tests. To trying to juggle everything from the house to finding some time so me n hubby can get together and go on a date to trying to figure out how to tell him about my lump without scarying him and having him either go steps backwards mentally or coming home and wrapping me in cotton wool. Yes there’s positives but there’s so many scary unknowns and waiting for so many answers. 

Please don’t say be patient and have hope that it’ll work out how its meant to. That what dsnt kill ya makes ya stronger. Someone else has it worse or that my struggles don’t mean anything

They’re real they’re big they are my life. I’ve been thrown so many things that I can’t begin to wrap my head around. Having two people I love literary fighting for their lives, my health unknown all the while raising and trying to emotionally support two kids who are struggling. All the while being married but a single mum again struggling to be in fulltime study, work parttime, taking care of all the financial, and all the cooking and cleaning, whilst trying to find time to do therapy, get my marriage on track, taking care n supporting my mama. I’m sleeping but a few hours a night, I have no appetite at all, lost weight, an doctors aren’t supporting my goal to keep mentally week. 

I’m treading water 24/7 trying to keep upbove water. All with responsibilities I can not drop.

I need a break so badly from my mind, to just get a good sleep recharge to be the mum, wife, daughter and student I want to be

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “1:27am and my heads spinnig

  1. Oh, I am so incredibly sorry. It seems you can’t catch a break. I wish I could just give you a hug and let you cry on my shoulder until you have no more tears.
    Obviously I don’t know you, but I believe you are an incredible mother, daughter, wife and friend. Hold onto that thought, it might be all you have.

    Like

  2. For all our landing on the moon potential, we’re all just humans and we can’t change that. I know it’s hard but just know that you’re stronger. That even right now, when it all seems too much, you’re still choosing to stand up in the middle of it all and fight. You’re brave. Keep that up. I’ll remember you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

    Like

  3. I am so sorry for what you are enduring. You are right. You do need a break from your mind. And altho it is your husband who has experienced the crash it is important you take the steps to try to avoid your own! So if you need to find a therapist, or take time you need to find a way to do so. Every day, schedule time to do exactly that. Even if it’s only for 5 minutes at a time, but find a way to take that break from your mind. That way your mind can become your friend again instead of your enemy. Wishing you peace and much love.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s