Must get sleep so I stop boring you all with so much

Earlier in the week I decided to rind my hubby. And shock me he answered hey babe. I told him I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t expect him to answer. That I missed his voice, he said he missed mine to. We chat about a lot of things, he asked about the kids and my mum, we talked about what he’d been up to n sadly he’s much the same. Sleeping and movies. I told him I’m studying n he told me he was proud. I plucked up the courage and asked him on a date. He shocked me by saying he wanted to so we chatted about going to the movies. He told me he missed me and loved me and when he said goodnight he said sweet dreams, music to my ears 

I felt positive that we’d talked. A few days later I sat there arguing with myself. I was missing him and needing his support. I decided I need to tell him about my lump. So I text and asked if he wanted to catch up the next day my first day off from school n had meetings in the morning but free in the afternoon. And while it didn’t work out because he was leaving for work at lunch time. He was trying to sort us catching up next week.

I felt torn. Happy he was working and asking an effort but sad and disappointed because I miss him so much n need his support. I feel like I’m lying to him by not telling him about the tests. I’m trying to protect him while he’s unwell. I don’t want to trigger him and lose our progress. Or the other side him coming home because he thinks its the right thing to do. I want him to come home when we’re both ready so we have a long strong marriage. Not rush and ruin things

Today I flicked him a text telling him to have a safe trip to work n he replied quickly. O saw his bus at the bus stop n told him. A big part of me just wanted to pull over jump on the bus n tell him how much I love him. But at the same time I couldn’t handle seeing him leave again even tho its for work and he told me where he was going 

I’ve been wanting to contact so much this evening. Then I got scared. We haven’t talked about how I came to find his address or him. It was his boss. I don’t know what his reaction will be when he does find out, I have no problem telling him but I’m worried. Now I’m stressing if I don’t hear from him tomorrow. Its silly. But since we’ve been back in daily contact I’m worried we’ll lose it. When he’s away working we always had contact but because I knew his job I didn’t hassle him. He always text morning n night n called when he could. I’m probably worrying over nothing.

Even though I have support from my mum n best friend and aunty with the lump n tests. I can’t help but feel alone through it. I want not my husbands words but comfort right now. I don’t want to go through it alone. But reality I won’t tell him over the phone and at this point I won’t be able to see him until next Friday if not the following week. He was always a huge support with my health and I can’t help but wish we could go back 3 months get him help so he was home with us and able to support his family like before

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5 thoughts on “Must get sleep so I stop boring you all with so much

  1. Feel so much for you. You’re doing awesome. Fingers crossed about the tests and your progress. I can imagine how hard this is and you are doing an amazing job! Give yourself the credit you deserve.

    Just a thought…. if he has access to your blog, he may know exactly how you’re feeling and that might just be a good thing.

    Cheering you on through all the trials and tribulations. Wishing you the best for an outcome you can smile and talk about for years to come.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You’re doing great. I’m proud of you.
    Tell him and accept his support, but keep in mind that things could get rushed because of it.
    Be open and honest. Don’t play games. Make sure he is treating you the same.

    Like

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