I’m flipping back and forth, what’s the right or wrong thing to do, do I tell him, do I not. I feel like a lier. I pride myself on being honest with him. I want his honestly. I just don’t know how. I wish he was reading this blog so he already knew and could just call and say I know and I’m here for you. That he already knew about the lump, the tests. I wish he was here with me. I know I shouldn’t just tell him over the phone. I don’t know his reaction and I’d be upset if he was in my position n did that. I’d be hurt he didn’t tell me. Heck id be angry. I’ve thought about not telling him and praying it won’t be breast cancer. But then I’d still have to lye in a few months with the follow up specialist appointment. And I can’t do that to our marriage start lying and being trapped, its so disrespectful. But I don’t see being able to tell him before the tests. Argh its not as simple as just going to see him. I need to think of his mental health to. But I want his support and he as my husband deserves to know. I’ve also realised I have no one to go with me to the appointment, my best mate works n is going away, my mum didn’t realise I was asking her today, she thought I meant I was worried about physically not being able to drive. Normally he’d be by my side. I don’t want to go and get the tests and have to have a biopsy because they believe its cancer. I knew marriage would be good and bad, positive and hard times. But this is breaking me right now. I’m hormonal, I’m tired from lack of sleep and so much on during the days, I’m terrified for myself, I’m worried about him, I’m scared for my mum and am trying to be a good mum. Yet I’m here alone and right now I have no one to call on. I just want my marriage back. I’m upset because I haven’t heard from him today. It scares me, makes me insecure, worried something is changing. I feel clingy n needy. Shit I can’t catch a break at all and its affecting me more then I realised.