My husband and kids

And my mama. The most important people in my world. And yesterday I took them to Hubby’s work, wheelchair rugby bash. First times they’d seen each other in nearly 3 months. We pulled up and hubby was outside. As soon as I stopped the car the kids jumped out. My girl looked at me and goes my sailor mummy my sailor. I smiled and go see him bub. I looked over at him as he embraced my son then my daughter. Big smile on his face. He then turned to mum n gave her a big hug to. Emotionally I nearly broke seeing them so happy together, the moment I wanted. It was a up n down visit for me. A few things negatively affected me. But we stayed a few hours n after the game we hung out a bit. I also got to catch up with a few of his friends. Once we got back to my mums I filled her in on how I was feeling. She looked at me and told me to go back and talk to him so I did. I believe he may have had a lightbuy moment, realising how insecure and on edge I am. He heard me when I said I need his reassurance and gave me that. He ended up having to take his boss him about 4 hours ago and I was hoping he’d be back today. But he has to stay another day. I just want to curl up in his arms right now. The weekend was draining even though it was positive and progress. My kids are both emotional to. It was such a big step. For all of us my hubby included. 

a big part of me feels proud for standing up for myself but the other part feels bad. I know I’ve enabled him for to long so I’m trying not to. I’m struggling with the balance. I’m also struggling if he doesn’t respite  to my texts within half an hour I’m getting anxious n upset, its making me feel rejected. Partly its because he’s working n his jobs super intense and long hours plus traveling. Logically I know I’m over reacting emotionally I can’t stop it. It scares me that he’s away. Because I’m scared he’ll leave again. Even though he’s shown no signs of that. Argh why can I just be content with the massive progress instead of feeling anxious. I hate depression

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4 thoughts on “My husband and kids

  1. Because although progress is wonderful and hopeful it is also very hard and very scary. It’s scary because it might stop, it might change, it not be what you hope for or expect. It’s hard to not know. It’s hard to have to give up control. It’s even harder to let go and wait. Contentment is a choice, but like many choices, there’s making it and then there is living it. And that is the tough part. But working at it every day, reminding yourself it’s progress, that you aren’t where you want to be maybe, but you aren’t where you were either. And that’s a good thing. One step at a time. It’s all part or the dance, even if it appears to be a step backwards. Don’t focus too hard on the step, focus on the entire dance. Best wishes. Peace.

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