Its Sunday night here and on Tuesday morning I’m going in for my tests, mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy to find out if the 3cm lump in my breast is cancer or not. And I’m terrified. No ones wanted to let me talk about it they just say I’m going to be ok, not to stress to much etc. With mums diagnosis and upcoming op having both breasts removed and cemo, people aren’t wanting to think about the possibility of me having cancer. Yes I’m young but we have a family history plus I have more symptoms then just the lump. I am hoping I’m freaking out over nothing but still. The fear is overwhelming.
Anyways I rung my hubby, I just needed to hear his voice. We chatted a bit then I asked him if he wanted to stay tomorrow night since the appointment is early Tuesday. He has his appointment with his phycologist in the afternoon n he said he needs time to reflect. I’m fully ok with that and am proud he’s going and happy he’s putting his health before his wants. I talked to him about how I keep changing what I need in the way of his support at the appointment. I originally didn’t want anyone there. Then that he came but waited in the waiting room. Bow I want to do the mammogram on my own but have him in there for the rest. He said he’ll go with the flow with what I need. Then he goes would ya let me take photos of the nurse playing with ya boobs. Man I laughed then realised how much I loved him. We were just laughing and I told him I was hoping he’d come and make me laugh and distract me. He cracked up when I said if he felt the need to take photos he could, he replied only if its a hot nurse hun. I know it sounds silly but that’s us we laugh through really tough moments. And it worked in relaxing me alottle.
He then said babe you’ll be ok, either way you’ll be ok. I need to hear that from him so much. Just knowing he’ll be there means so much even more after everything that’s happening. God I hope I don’t have cancer. That it’ll all be for nothing and ill laugh about it. I am surprised tho because my stress for myself is no where near what I’ve faced for my hubby or mum. I’m just scared. I want to be well. To keep studying. To keep being here for my kids, hubby n mum. I need to be well to support them I just can’t have cancer.
Thank god for my Hubby’s words n laughter