Whrn you feel like its your fault

But logically know its not. I know that if someone’s intent on attempting suicide that there’s nothing another person can do to stop them. Maybe you can for a day, a week, a month but if that’s what they want they’ll do it. I know I couldn’t have stopped him my god I tried. I’m grateful he was found and cut down and lived. I’m grateful I didn’t lose my best friend my world. Is it not hard enough, the guilt for not stopping him, self blame for not pushing to get him more help, fear it’ll happen again. Is it not enough that I’ve only recently learned of this horrific experience he had. But to learn in the police report that they believed it was because of our marriage even tho he refused to talk about why. And he has told me it was no way my fault. Is it not enough they never told me. Is it not enough that I begged for him to get help. To feel attacked and blamed just fuels the pain and guilt. My heart feels broken tonight as I try and busy myself from the thought of what if, if only. From the thoughts that I nearly lost my precious sailor, I nearly had to bury a man who is so amazing and loved, cherished and needed. This is something I don’t even know how tobegin to process. Thank god he is seeking help and allowing me to support him. I just don’t know how to stop thinking, thoughts swirling, emotions bubbling to the surface, tears threatening to overflow. Thank god my darling is alive

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6 thoughts on “Whrn you feel like its your fault

  1. I’m so sorry. It is not your fault. You just have to know that you have done the best you can and continue to offer up your love and support. Ultimately the choice was his. But I am so glad he was able to get the true help he really needs and turned out to just be a cry for help. Take care of you and be good to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. Logically I know. But emotionally. I feel like as his wife I should’ve fought harder I knew he was at that place and my gut screamed he’d attempt. Your right tho it was his choice. I’m just grateful he’s letting me in and I’m able to support him now

      Liked by 1 person

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